When Bad Photography Happens To Beautiful Brides {&Grooms}

This first lesson we'll start off this series with is about the extreme importance of hiring a Q-U-A-L-I-T-Y photographer for your wedding day.

Firstly, I will preface this post with the following: I totally get that budget plays a large part in choosing your wedding day vendors BUT there are some amazing photographers out there who are very talented that aren't charging 5 figures for a wedding photography package.

One of our first weddings of the 2010 season had a gorgeous bride and a handsome groom. They were also the nicest people on the planet. Their big day was filled with so much love and family, it was hard not to cry during the ceremony! Their reception was pretty cool as well - the band literally had guests rocking the dance floor the entire night ... to the point were guests didn't want to sit down for their food. It was that awesome of a reception.

But, like everyone getting married - my couple had a budget that they were working within. So, on the recommendation of a family friend, they hired a Wedding Photographer. While this person was extremely nice and carried a fancy camera, a quality photographer he was not. He continuously was absent for major image worthy moments. He also came without an assistant, and used myself and my assistant throughout the day and evening to carry his equipment, help set up shots and generally be his assistant. Not the wedding planner's role at all. And just about every shot he took was completely generic. Nothing creative, nothing exciting and nothing that wasn't just basic.

Obviously everyone's tastes are different but you want incredible images to remember your day. Not mediocre images that you hide when guests come over. There's too much talent out there to use someone who hasn't picked up any tricks of the trade since 1950. You want to hire photographers that create images that literally make your heart stop. Not images that look like they should be on some blog that makes fun of images.

After all is said and done on your wedding day - literally all you will have to savor the memories of one of the biggest days of your life is your photographs and your video {if you are getting a videographer}. Wouldn't you rather spend a bit more on fabulous photography?

Making Sure All Your Wedding Vendors Show Up!

You've hired all the necessary vendors, kept up with payment schedules for all of them, you've gotten everyone attired, your timeline is confirmed, all the details arranged ... what's left?

If you've hired a planner, this normally falls under their jurisdiction, but if not, you'll need to confirm all the details with your vendors. Keep in mind that if the number of attending guests has changed in any way, shape or form, you'll want to notify the caterer and the florist ASAP! You don't want to get charged for food or arrangements for people who aren't attending the soiree. Make sure you confirm guest numbers well in advance of the last possible day you're allowed to. {Traditionally two weeks prior for the Florist, and 3-7 days prior for the Caterer}

You'll want to confirm that your vendors have received the timeline, they have the correct directions to the venue, they know any policies related to load in / load out, and most importantly, who the point of contact is for the wedding day {so when they are stuck in traffic, they can call and assure you they are on the way}. You'll also want to confirm if you are legally obligated to feed them during the event {check your contracts!}, so you can give this number to the caterer {vendors should receive a meal that is not what your guests are being served and is substantially cheaper than the meal you've chosen for your guests}.

This is also the time to speak with your vendors about any other pertinent details of the day {must play / do not play lists, any photographs you must have etc}. Don't wait until the last minute to get these lists / details out to a vendor or think you'll remember on the wedding day. You'll have enough on your mind that day!

This is also the right time to communicate with your bridal party about their roles and responsibilities on the wedding day as well as their wedding weekend schedule. You'll want them to know what time to begin getting ready and where they will be getting ready as well as any details related to transportation. This is extremely important especially if they have a spouse / guest that is not in the bridal party, so that they know what is going on as well and can be organized. Also, if any member of the bridal party is traveling to the wedding, you'll want their travel details as well.



This post was originally published on July 2nd, 2009

Another Friday, another week down. Can you believe that its almost September? I would love to find the brakes on this year since its whipping by so quickly!

Lots of goodies around the web this week ...

My good friends, Aleah & Nick {The Good Life Events} wrote up a fabulous post about your wedding not being a competition. Truer words have not been spoken.

Your married, now what? There used to be "rules" that all married women adhered by, times have changed!

Another fabulous and to the point perspective on hiring a wedding planner for your very big day!

Ok, I really wrestled with linking to this post, but its a good one, I promise. Very insightful.

And lastly, an honest opinion of what separates a professional wedding planner from a I was a bride and I know about weddings wedding planner.

Happy Weekending!

First Impressions

If you think about it, our entire lives are filled with 1000s of First Impressions - meeting new people, going to new cities and places, going into a store you've never been to before ... we experience a first impression frequently. And what do we do with these first impressions? We made an immediate reaction to them, a judgement if you will. This reaction can play a huge part in how we emotionally view this person, place, store, interaction. It will influence how we perceive things and how we ultimately decide we feel about things.

So how does a first impression work in weddings? I've found that its a huge influencer when it comes to engaged couples making very important decisions for their wedding day. If when meeting a vendor for the first time, the vendor is rude, unfriendly, uncaring or generally rubs the potential clients in the wrong way, there is a slim possibility that these potential clients will become contracted clients. But, sometimes its the potential clients initial judgements and then their first impressions that steer them away from a wedding vendor who they should be working with - and to me, that is just sad. Let me explain: you cruise around websites looking for potential wedding vendors to work with and to bring your wedding vision to life. Here is one first impression that allows you to create a snap judgement. Either the website / the images / the words / the blog whatever it is, you either feel drawn to or you dismiss it. {We all do this!} If you feel like this wedding vendor fits your style and aesthetic, you reach out to them for a meeting. When you arrive at the meeting, you make another first impression since you are now meeting this person in the flesh and you either confirm that your original first impression was spot on or you overturn it. Obviously, everyone prefers when your initial impression equals your meeting impression and the vendor is a match, but sometimes it doesn't go that way.

So what to do then? Think through your decision - why doesn't this vendor in real life match online? Is their branding off? Did you have a certain image of them and they didn't fit it? Basically, you need to figure out if your impression was valid {online claims lux service but the person arrives looking worse for wear and is clearly not lux} or did you make an unfair snap judgement?

Has there been a time when your online impression with someone and your in life interaction didn't add up?

Keeping Ego's in Check

Somewhere along the path of planning your wedding, its inevitable that ego's will collide ... I've found in my experience that traditionally those with the largest ego's are the ones who are pretty set in their ways of how a wedding should proceed and are slightly resistant to change. Ok, I lied, they are probably very resistant to change. So what can you do as a bride and groom to work peacefully with the unchecked ego?

Firstly, kill them with kindness. Chances are you're going to get frustrated, upset and angry but the best course of action is to treat this dinosaur with kindness. Don't get short with them, or say snarky comments. Be the adult in this situation. And secondly, explain as rationally as possible that while you appreciate their expertise, you've always envisioned your wedding day as x,y and z and therefore are they willing to bend and be flexible? What you don't want to do is show weakness and let them trample you. You want them to come around the bend in a thoughtful manner ~ at the end of the day, this entire day wouldn't be happening if you weren't getting married here at this place with these vendors, so make sure that the ego-maniac is reminded of this.

And as I always say "good luck"!

Hiring a Wedding Vendor {Part 9}

You've reviewed the proposal and you either see the value of this vendor or you don't ... so you either want to hire them or you don't. Either way, please use common courtesy and notify the wedding vendor even if it's to say no. Leaving a consultation and proposal open and undecided {at least on the vendor's end} isn't nice.

If you want to move forward with them ~ let them know ASAP! Share your excitement with them and ask what you need to do to move forward. Chances are you'll need a non-refundable deposit to hold the date and to sign a contract. They should send this over in a timely fashion. Once you receive the contract, take the time to review it but keep in mind the following: a wedding vendor's contract is to protect the wedding vendor, not the client. If you don't understand a clause, ask for clarification. What you shouldn't do is mock up the contract in a way that benefits you, the client. The first thing I do when a prospective client calls me to clarify or change the contract, I go through their questions. Nine out of ten times, the changes they want would grossly change my contract in ways that as a business owner, I am just not comfortable with. So I always suggest purchasing wedding insurance. I've found that most concerns clients have with the contract can be dealt with by purchasing insurance in order to protect themselves. If that doesn't solve the issues they have with your contract, as a vendor, take them to your attorney. Hopefully the concerns / questions can be clarified but on rare occasions, what the client is asking for just isn't possible. If that turns out to be the case, be willing to work with the vendor and understand why their contract is the way it is. Aim to reach a contract version that ALL parties are happy with.

Next week: begin working together!

Who Died And Made You God?

This question was posed to me this morning during a session with my life guru. We were discussing my business and how I like everyone to act in a manner that I find acceptable ~ which is basically beyond wrong as an outlook on life. Everyone is different, has different perspective and because of that, I shouldn't try and stuff the entire population into my 'box' of how things should be done. Its such a simple thought, but seriously, I am sure that most of us act this way in some form at some point in our lives. It literally begs the question "who died and made you god"? What gives me the right to want everyone to act in a manner that I think is appropriate when they can certainly can act however they know how. Its going to be a shift in thinking, but one that is going to make me a better person.

So how in the world is this vaguely related to wedding planning? Simple. Your vendors are working to the best of their ability using their knowledge base. They aren't gods {unfortunately} and maybe sometimes the way you {bride / client} wants things to be dealt with just isn't the way this vendor works. Everyone has their work style, their flow, and while flexibility is a big plus, don't expect a vendor to change their process simply because you signed a contract and are paying them. The same holds true to clients ~ vendors have to be mindful that a first time bride doesn't know everything and needs help. As a wedding vendor we can't just expect that a woman gets engaged and poof, ten seconds later the wedding fairy has given her all the wedding planning education she needs to be the best bride. This process is about give and take for all involved and we have to be respectful of that.

Hiring a Wedding Planner {Part 9}

Now you've had your consultation, received the proposal and ultimately you have to decide if you want to work with this person or not. Is this someone who are you are going to be beyond excited to meet with? Is this someone who you value and respect their opinion, advice, honesty and experience? Is this someone who you are confident will bring your wedding day to life in a manner that fits your vision?

In the best of all worlds, you'd meet, you'd love each other and you'd love the package. You'd work together, have a fabulous experience and the wedding day would be awesome. Not all relationships are fairy tales unfortunately, so spend a moment weighing the value of their services and your needs. If there's an ounce of doubt, perhaps this person isn't for you. If there isn't any doubt, move forward with them!

Keep in mind that this wedding planner or any wedding vendor for instance, may be receiving inquiries for your same wedding date, so it's only common courtesy to give them an answer {yay or nay} within one to two weeks of your meeting / receiving your proposal. Even if you do not want to work with them ~ let them know.

Next week: that's a wrap on this series + other morsels of info!

Fabulous Friday: Bridal Event Not to Miss

My awesome nutritionist guru, Sarah Jenks is holding an intimate evening for brides on July 27th at Gabriella New York Bridal Salon called: Breathtaking Bride Master Class: “How to feel centered, confident and drop dead gorgeous in your wedding dress without crash diets, deprivation or turning into bridezilla”.

This master class will show you a completely different way of losing weight for your wedding. A way that doesn’t involve starving yourself, counting calories or giving up chocolate {um, seriously, having your cake and eating it too literally while shedding pounds - hello, this is awesome news}.

This incredibly helpful evening is on Tuesday, July 27th from 6:30-8:30, and the class is limited to TEN BRIDES, which will allow Sarah to give each participant the kind of one-on-one support she, until this point, has been reserved for her full-time clients.

Sarah’s philosophy is truly a life changing in this culture of crash dieting. I hope you will read more about the master class and Sarah on her website.

A sampling of what you will learn in the master class:
• The three letter word that is the ultimate catalyst for weight loss
• Why most wedding weight loss programs are actually causing you to gain weight
• Why trying to use “willpower” and “discipline” is a complete waste of time and what to do instead that actually works
• The 3 fool proof steps to stop emotional eating FOREVER
• How to be the same weight you are at your wedding, for years after you say “I do”
• The exact step-by-step plan to losing weight, feeling centered and having clarity on your wedding day

There's still availability, so click here to sign up!

Happy Weekend y'all!

Hiring a Wedding Planner {Part 8A}

Yesterday we discussed receiving a proposal from a wedding vendor {in a timely fashion} ... today I wanted to flip the coin on its side and discuss what to do when a wedding vendor hasn't gotten you a proposal in a timely fashion ...

You had the consultation and hopefully sometime during that meeting there was discussion of when to expect the proposal. Now, let's say that due date has passed by and still no proposal ... as a client service provider that's one of the biggest pet peeves of mine! Deliver your deliverables! In my experience in working with clients, the longer time has passed between the meeting and the eventual proposal arriving, the positive impression has likely begun to wane. If you were truly interested in working with this vendor, call or email and ask when to expect the proposal. Stress that you had a great meeting and you're interested in seeing a proposal. If the wedding vendor has any brains, they'll get you a proposal faster than you can say "bridezilla", if they don't hurry it up, then you have to decide if you should wait for them or move on.

Anyone who has ever met me can probably answer what my decision would be, but this is a decision that the bride and the groom need to make. Does this person seem like they are going to deliver once you've finally gotten the ever-delayed proposal? Are you willing to take that risk with your wedding day?

So I propose this to you dear reader: Would you proceed with a wedding vendor if they took weeks and weeks to get you a proposal?

Hiring a Wedding Planner {Part 8}

Once you receive the proposal, don't do what we all inherently want to do: look for the bottom line. Instead, use willpower and start at the top ~ go through the proposal line by line, taking in each detail and description. If something in that line or description doesn't make sense to you: write down your question. The last thing that any wedding vendor wants is for you to need clarity but not ask for it ~ we are here with a wealth of information and want to share it with you!

Ultimately, you'll get to the bottom line of the proposal, its just inevitable. Now three things can happen with the $ figure on there ~ you think its reasonable, you think its absurd or you think its too cheap. None of those choices are the right answer. That proposal amount is about value. Do you think there is value to this vendor and therefore they are worth the amount that they are charging? Remember the old saying: quality versus quantity? Its totally applicable when it comes to hiring a wedding vendor. If you value their expertise and the services they offer, then regardless of what the $ on the proposal is, chances are slim that you'll get sticker shock. {Note: some proposal's you can with work with the vendor to tweak which may bring down the cost ~ but that doesn't take away from the value of their services}. Don't get me wrong: you are working within a budget and don't want to go hog wild, but in the end ~ if you value a wedding vendor's services chances are you that number on the proposal won't scare the pants off of you.

Next week: proposal received, now how to act?

Catch up on Parts I, II, III, IV, V, VI, VII

Hiring a Wedding Planner {Part 7}

You met, you talked, you thought and now ... the post wedding planner consultation de-brief must occur. Keep in mind that your consultation was a two-way interview. While you were sizing up this potential wedding coordinator, they were sizing up you, the potential client.

Unless the coordinator gave you a price during the consultation ~ you should expect a proposal from them within a reasonable time frame. The proposal should outline the services that you discussed during the meeting as well as what the wedding planner is going to offer you as a client. It should also include a clear price and any other terms that the wedding planner would like for you to be aware of {i.e. if the proposal has a deadline for committing etc}. Essentially, this proposal should be transparent in the services being offered for your wedding. If you need clarity, just ask.

You'll also need to process your overall feeling about this person. Did you like them? Do you think you clicked? Do you get the impression that you'll work well together? Did they get your vision? Do you get their vision? Is this someone you want to work with closely and intimately for the next x amount of months? Are you confident that this person is going to exceed your expectations?

While yes price is always a factor ~ you can't live with just price. You will be working closely with this person for the duration of your wedding planning process ~ are you 100% cool with them?

Up Next ~ proposal received, what to think?

Catch up on Parts I, II, III, IV, V and VI

Trusting Your Vendors

Everyone has different perceptions of trust. One can be overly trusting, others can be fearful of trust and some have just the right amount of trust. When it comes to pulling together your wedding vendors, having trust in them is key.

You should have gotten a sense of trust when you met with them. Here are three rules to live by with trusting your wedding vendors:

1) Trust that they will perform to the best of their ability
2) Trust that they will ensure that your wedding day is simply lovely
3) Trust that they have the knowledge and expertise to get YOU through your wedding day

As a planner who deals predominantly with couples who are engaged and wedding planning for the first time, I see rule #3 broken more times than I can count. You've hired these professionals for a specific reason: they are the professionals. They've been working in / around the wedding industry for long enough to know what is going on. They've got an awesome skill base, they have more knowledge about their niche than most people. They are experienced.

If you hired them, you must trust them {at least theoretically}, so listen to them. Listen to their expertise. Trust in their experience, advice and knowledge. Chances are, they know what they are talking about. If you disagree, trust in them that they will steer you right.

Trust in your wedding vendors, their insight is invaluable.

Hiring a Wedding Planner {Part 6}

Now that you've gotten a consultation on the calendar ~ what to expect once you're finally at the meeting? Firstly, aim to be on time OR call / email the wedding planner if you are running late. Keep in mind that while this is a client service industry, everyone has a schedule and would like to stay on track.

Once you've gotten to the meeting, don't judge a book by its cover. I know that our society has taught us to write off people immediately if you don't like how they look / act / talk etc but seriously, don't be so judgemental! You aren't hiring this person because of the way they dress, talk, act, you are hiring them because they are damn good at what they do. So, please, keep an open mind.

During the course of the meeting, be prepared to answer the questions the wedding planner asks you. They are looking to get a sense of not only what your wedding vision is, but who you are a couple as well as trying to assess if they want to work with you {disclaimer: not every planner is the right planner for every couple}. This is a two way interview, so aim to present yourself in a positive light.

When the planner is telling you about their services and how they help in the wedding planning process ~ jump in with questions if you need clarity ~ we want you to fully understand what we offer and how we operate so that there are no surprises throughout this process.

What you don't want to keep doing is wondering what the cost is. Cost comes through understanding the value of the service that this person provides. {Make that your mantra!}

At the end of your meeting ~ ask what the next steps are ~ will the wedding planner send you a proposal? Do they give you a copy of references and a contract and any other items you should read? Basically, get an understanding of what happens next in the process.

Next week: Consultation de-brief

Catch up on Parts I, II, III, IV and V

Tips on Tipping Your Wedding Vendors

You may have noticed on your vendor contracts that the wedding day gratuity has already been accounted for ~ this is fairly typical for caterers and transportation but not so much for your other wedding vendors. As you lead up to the big day, you need to start thinking about whom else will need to be tipped on the wedding day. To help you figure it all out, here are some tips to tipping:

While tipping is obviously discretionary and not entirely mandatory, most of your vendors are expecting a little something for their hard work and effort to making sure your wedding day is fabulous ~ while you don't need to break the bank on tips, be ready to dole out some $ at the end of the evening.

For the wedding day vendor who owns their own business ~ the 'hairdresser' rule of thumb doesn't apply. You'll want to tip each member of that vendor's staff {amounts not need be equal} - remember that the fee you paid for their service doesn't go directly into their pocket for shoes, dinners and vacations ~ your fee pays for staff, transportation, marketing, and basically everything else needed that runs this vendor's business.

Please be organized and place your tips in a sealed envelope and write the provider's name on the exterior. If you have a wedding day coordinator, you can give these to them in advance and they will hand them out throughout the course of the wedding day.

Hiring a Wedding Planner {Part 5}

You've scheduled a consultation - now what? While you don't need to rip every wedding magazine apart to bring all of your ideas to this meeting - you do need to have some basics prepared:

1. Wedding Date - even if its not finalized yet, have your preferred dates ready
{Keep in mind that a wedding planner gets booked out 12+ months and can't hold 8 weekends for you on the off chance it's one of those dates - come prepared with a general date you'd like your wedding to occur on}

2. An approximate number of guests who will attend the wedding
{During your meeting, the wedding planner is getting a feel for what you want your wedding day to be like, including venue - having a guest count helps to figure out what venue's to check out}

3. Budget defined - even if loosely
{This is essential - basically, the wedding planner can't figure out how realistic your wedding vision is without knowing the budget. Its also nearly impossible to be objective without it. Come prepared}

4. Why you want / need a wedding planner
{Bring a list of reasons why, a wedding planner isn't necessarily needed by every couple getting married, so bring a list. We will ask for it}

During the consultation itself you'll flesh out your wedding day vision, hopes and dreams, so you don't need to drag your huge 300 page scrapbook unless you really want to!

Next week: What to expect during the consultation

Catch up on Parts I, II, III and IV

Hiring a Wedding Planner {Part 3}

After you've chosen some wedding coordinators based on their websites, its time to submit an inquiry to them. This is probably the simplest task out of hiring a wedding planner but I'd like you to spend a moment writing a thoughtful note instead of just "hi, here's our date, whats your price" ...while obviously you want to hire someone who works with your budget, hiring a wedding planner is much more than the price you pay them. You are hiring someone for their expertise, experience, the value they bring to your wedding and above all, the fit. If you don't have a good rapport with them, you won't enjoy their services even if the price is right. So please, don't price shop through submission forms.

Submit an inquiry looking to see if firstly, they are available on your wedding date and secondly, to get a list of the services / packages that they offer. Before you even meet, you want to make sure that what they offer is what you need. If the stars align and the planner is available on your date and what they offer suits your wedding, set up a consultation.

Next week: how to prepare for your consultation and what to expect. You can check out Parts I and II here.

Hiring a Wedding Planner {Part 2}

You've decided that you can't possibly live without a wedding planner for your wedding {wonderful decision says me!}. If you're like me, once you've decided you want / need something, you go right to the internet to do some research / due diligence. While I applaud your enthusiasm, slow down for one teeny tiny second. Have you attended a friend or family members wedding that you loved? If so, reach out and ask if they used a planner. Trust me, its worth checking them out - they come with a gigantic gold stamp of approval! If you've already hired vendors for your wedding day or have a pre-existing relationship with any vendors, ask for their recommendations as well. A referral you receive from a trusted source will have more weight in your {sub}conscious than what you find in a magazine or on the internet.

If you chose to do your own research to find a planner, be prepared to spend some time checking out things online. Go through several sources to find a planner: wedding wire, my kate parker wedding, brooklyn bride, new york magazine weddings, style me pretty's little black book, etc. Once you've compiled a list of planners that you want to check out: take to their websites. See what resonates with you - is it their graphic design, the words they use, their portfolio images, the advice they post in their blog? If nothing appeals to you: MOVE ON. Don't waste your time or the wedding planners time to meet if you don't like their website or their blog. Chances are, since their website and blog are branding tools for their business and them, you won't like them in real life either. Thats fine! Not everyone is a fit for your wedding planning process.

Once you've narrowed down your choices, look for reviews / testimonials about each firm. Read what their former clients have to say - does this person sound like someone you want to meet and potentially work with? Is there something that resonates with you in these testimonials? If not, MOVE ON. After you've picked the suitable options, sit down with your fiance and get his opinion on each wedding planner's website - his input is invaluable here. Since you'll all be working together, you want to make sure that he's onboard with this person as well.

Up next: submitting an inquiry and making an appointment.

{Check out Part I here}

Favorite Find at The National Stationery Show: Partners Tea Co.

I was raised by parents of English decent, which means that I like Tea. Ok, I love Tea, there I said it. I drink tea every morning and afternoon, so I like to think that on some level, I am a tea-authority, so I was thrilled to come across Partners Tea Co at the National Stationery Show yesterday.

Partners Tea Co. is a fair trade, organic, tea company owned and operated by women. They have six blends of tea leaves for sale and believe me I tell you, these tea's are top notch. They have a lovely and inviting fragrance and the loveliest of tastes. I sampled the Love Blend which really was one of the best tea's I've ever had. No joke. The packaging is beautiful, the tea sachets were so simple yet sweet and the best part: they have recipes to make cocktails out of their blends. Genius for a bridal shower, you can make Love-tini's out of the Love blend! They have recipes for many tea-tini's and tea-toddy's that sound really yummy.

These tea's also make amazing gifts or favors for your showers or wedding or if you've got a friend who loves tea {maybe a part of a bridesmaid gift?}.

And I am really impressed that the company is giving back 1% to Kiva and the Central Asia Institute.

Check them out and order some tea, I promise its so good, you may not go back to coffee!

Monday Musings: National Stationery Show

The National Stationery Show is happening this week in NYC and I am thrilled to be attending and blogging about it - stay tuned for lots of posts!


{via Blue Pink & Green}