Who Died And Made You God?

This question was posed to me this morning during a session with my life guru. We were discussing my business and how I like everyone to act in a manner that I find acceptable ~ which is basically beyond wrong as an outlook on life. Everyone is different, has different perspective and because of that, I shouldn't try and stuff the entire population into my 'box' of how things should be done. Its such a simple thought, but seriously, I am sure that most of us act this way in some form at some point in our lives. It literally begs the question "who died and made you god"? What gives me the right to want everyone to act in a manner that I think is appropriate when they can certainly can act however they know how. Its going to be a shift in thinking, but one that is going to make me a better person.

So how in the world is this vaguely related to wedding planning? Simple. Your vendors are working to the best of their ability using their knowledge base. They aren't gods {unfortunately} and maybe sometimes the way you {bride / client} wants things to be dealt with just isn't the way this vendor works. Everyone has their work style, their flow, and while flexibility is a big plus, don't expect a vendor to change their process simply because you signed a contract and are paying them. The same holds true to clients ~ vendors have to be mindful that a first time bride doesn't know everything and needs help. As a wedding vendor we can't just expect that a woman gets engaged and poof, ten seconds later the wedding fairy has given her all the wedding planning education she needs to be the best bride. This process is about give and take for all involved and we have to be respectful of that.

The Importance of Thank You Notes

If anyone ever tells you that thank you notes can be sent via email - immediately cease communication with this person! A Thank You note is a timeless tradition that needs to be handwritten and actually taken to the post office or post box and mailed. I'm pretty old school about this, so bare with me.

One of the first things you should purchase once you've gotten engaged is thank you notes. You are going to need them. If at first they don't match the rest of your invitation suite, don't fret, you can get matching ones later. It's more important to have a nice card stock that you can handwrite on early on in this wedding planning process because people will be giving you gifts, parties or generally doing nice things for you that desrved to be recognized and thanked. While different rules of etiquette apply to the wedding thank you note ~ here are my rules of thumb:

It doesn't need to be an eloquent novel, address whomever purchased the gift, say thank you, include a note on how you'll use it and sign. And regarding when to send them out: ASAP. I find that thank you notes are oft forgotten the longer time passes so instead of waiting for three months ~ sit down once a week and get them done.


{via Minted}

{via Wiley Valentine}

When Guests Just Won't Reply

I know I've talked a lot about the guests who won't send in their RSVP ... seriously, its pre-stamped, pre-addressed people! But I feel like this is a topic that we can always talk about, so here goes it.

Rarely will your entire guest list respond by the due date, if it does, count yourself lucky for having such responsible people in your life. Chances are, you'll have to start calling and emailing the non responders to wean a decision out of them. Make it clear that you'd love them to be at the wedding but you need a firm decision. A wedding isn't like a backyard BBQ open house where you invite 150 and count on 75 showing up at some point. The venue and your vendors need a final and accurate guest count in order to accommodate everyone. Its as simple as that.

So say what you will to convince these folk that they need to give you a yes or a no. It could be as simple as telling them that if they want to receive a meal, they need to provide a response.

Hiring a Wedding Planner {Part 7}

You met, you talked, you thought and now ... the post wedding planner consultation de-brief must occur. Keep in mind that your consultation was a two-way interview. While you were sizing up this potential wedding coordinator, they were sizing up you, the potential client.

Unless the coordinator gave you a price during the consultation ~ you should expect a proposal from them within a reasonable time frame. The proposal should outline the services that you discussed during the meeting as well as what the wedding planner is going to offer you as a client. It should also include a clear price and any other terms that the wedding planner would like for you to be aware of {i.e. if the proposal has a deadline for committing etc}. Essentially, this proposal should be transparent in the services being offered for your wedding. If you need clarity, just ask.

You'll also need to process your overall feeling about this person. Did you like them? Do you think you clicked? Do you get the impression that you'll work well together? Did they get your vision? Do you get their vision? Is this someone you want to work with closely and intimately for the next x amount of months? Are you confident that this person is going to exceed your expectations?

While yes price is always a factor ~ you can't live with just price. You will be working closely with this person for the duration of your wedding planning process ~ are you 100% cool with them?

Up Next ~ proposal received, what to think?

Catch up on Parts I, II, III, IV, V and VI

Tips on Tipping Your Wedding Vendors

You may have noticed on your vendor contracts that the wedding day gratuity has already been accounted for ~ this is fairly typical for caterers and transportation but not so much for your other wedding vendors. As you lead up to the big day, you need to start thinking about whom else will need to be tipped on the wedding day. To help you figure it all out, here are some tips to tipping:

While tipping is obviously discretionary and not entirely mandatory, most of your vendors are expecting a little something for their hard work and effort to making sure your wedding day is fabulous ~ while you don't need to break the bank on tips, be ready to dole out some $ at the end of the evening.

For the wedding day vendor who owns their own business ~ the 'hairdresser' rule of thumb doesn't apply. You'll want to tip each member of that vendor's staff {amounts not need be equal} - remember that the fee you paid for their service doesn't go directly into their pocket for shoes, dinners and vacations ~ your fee pays for staff, transportation, marketing, and basically everything else needed that runs this vendor's business.

Please be organized and place your tips in a sealed envelope and write the provider's name on the exterior. If you have a wedding day coordinator, you can give these to them in advance and they will hand them out throughout the course of the wedding day.

Hiring a Wedding Planner {Part 1}

As a wedding planner and a wedding blogger, my main goal is to educate engaged couples about wedding planning. To educate them on all the in's and out's of weddings and all the nuances of planning them. It's also a slightly selfish goal, because an educated bride and groom makes the wedding planning process go more smoothly!

For the next few weeks {on Wednesdays}, the posts are going to be focused on hiring a wedding planner: the nitty gritty of the how / why / when / what to expect / how to act ... the everything. We're going in depth on this topic and I hope that we'll all be a little bit more educated at the end of it.

So, first things first. What is a wedding planner and why do you think you need one?

A wedding planner {aka wedding coordinator} is a person who plans / coordinates your wedding. They pull together the logisitcs for your wedding day to ensure that no small detail is left out. As I call it: a wedding planner is your human equivalent to an insurance policy for the wedding - we make sure you've gotten all your ducks lined up and we make sure your ducks have no issues. A wedding planner is different to a wedding designer, so please make sure of which kind you'd like {naturally a planner can also be a designer and a designer can also be a planner} but for arguement's sake, we will keep them separate. A wedding designer is just that: they design the wedding. They are the visual creators of the wedding day - designing all the decor.

Why do you think you need a wedding planner? This is a question that oft goes overlooked because its 'trendy' to have a planner so everyone wants / needs to have one. If you are busy, indecisive, don't know where to start, don't know what you want to spend on each vendor, not creative, or want a helping hand in general, HIRE A WEDDING PLANNER! Your wedding planner will give you a path to follow throughout this process, negotiate contracts, educate you on every aspect of a wedding {pricing, advice, ideas, etiquette} and will give you the honest truth on what works and what doesn't work. In essence: your wedding planner is a one stop shop on how to get your wedding planned without the hassles. Who wouldn't want a professional team mate?

So before you start looking for a wedding planner, spend a moment writing why exactly you need one. Those needs are very important and will need to be communicated in your consultation.

Next week: Part 2: Researching a Wedding Planner

Parents Roles at the Wedding

Throughout your wedding planning process, your parents have been helpful, annoying, frustrating, full of advice, financially contributing, emotional, a sounding board, a co-decision maker - they've either been very involved, minimally involved or not involved at all. And I am willing to bet that not once during the wedding planning was there ever a conversation about their role on the actual wedding day. Obviously, your father may be walking you down the aisle, your mother will help you into your dress, but realistically, aside from the 'traditional' parent roles {i.e. you may dance with your father and he'll make a toast} you probably haven't discussed much else.

On your wedding day, your parents are going to be going through an emotional process {even if they claim they aren't} and they have some official responsibilities throughout the day but for the majority of your wedding day, their role hovers between being a host and a guest. And that non-specified role may put your parents on edge. Its hard for them to just let go and enjoy being a guest and allow your vendors to do their jobs. They don't need to be the ultimate host or hostess on your wedding day. But, if you haven't talked about this prior to the wedding, they may not understand that you are fine with them not being the ultimate host that day.

Let them know that while there are official tasks they need to perform on your wedding day, for the most part they just need to be a guest and celebrate your wedding!

Tips on Tuesday: Scheduling Appointments in a Timely Fashion

Firstly: vendors, like everyone else are busy. They are working on multiple events at a given time and most vendors work their schedule in a first come, first served manner. Which means that when you are scheduling a meeting with them - be quick to respond and quick to confirm a meeting.

In an industry where everyone's calendars get booked out years in advance {no, seriously, they do}, most vendors have a very good idea of what their schedule looks like months in advance {side note: it also means that their family has to plan in advance as well if they want said vendor to be at said family affair}, so there's no need to think its strange to make appointments months in advance.

On the flip side, if you have to cancel an appointment, do so when you first realize you need to cancel. Have a legitimate reason {not, I'd rather be having dinner with my friends} and give them some additional dates that work to re-schedule. No one likes to be stood up at the last minute.

Tips on Tuesday: Letting a Vendor Know You Aren't Interested

I'll preface this post with this caveat - I too have been one to forget, not everyone can remember to do everything, but ...

It's just plain common courtesy after meeting with a vendor to give them some follow up, regardless of whether or not you are actually going to use their service. Perhaps during the meeting you got a feeling that they weren't the right one for you - tell them then. Don't let your vendor waste time putting together a proposal if you know that you won't even consider them as a potential contender. If you liked them during the meeting but didn't like their proposal and are choosing to work with someone else, let them know. Its just polite to tell a vendor that you have decided on someone else. It allows them to pursue other potential clients for the same wedding date. Otherwise, vendors will continue to reach out to you for some kind of answer. Don't think that by ignoring them or not saying that you don't want to work for them will hurt their feelings. Everyone in business knows that you win some, you lose some. Vendors have a business to run and don't want anything outstanding. If you need more time to decide, tell them. But, also respect that many vendors work on a 'first come, first served' mentality - so if you take months to get back to them regarding your proposal - they may have gotten booked between then and now.

While these are expensive decisions to be making, please take a minute to reach out to the vendors you've met and tell them you've decided otherwise, its the right thing to do. And yes, vendors will respect your decision.

Wediquette: Having Entree Options at Your Wedding

Question: We're only serving one entree at our reception, but there will be a few vegetarians/special dietary needs people in our group. If there's no meal selection option on the reply card, how does one handle this? Should you include a line on the reply card to contact us for special dietary needs? Just include it on the website? Or will special needs/vegetarian guests just know?

If you've opted to have a single choice for entree for your reception - there's no need to give your attending guests an advance notice that a) you're only serving one entree and b) that they can get something else if they 'require' it due to dietary restrictions. When your guests sit down at the reception, there should be a menu card that lists what everyone will be eating that evening. At the bottom of it in very small print, have a line that says "Vegetarian Choice Available" or something to that affect {its called having a silent option}. Prior to your wedding, when you finalized the menu with the catering company or chef, there should have been a discussion regarding special meals in case any of your guests cannot eat the entree choice. The chef will be prepared to handle these, so when a waiter comes around to take drink orders, a guest can request the vegetarian meal.

It is essential to have a vegetarian option available to guests that are unable to eat your entree - in this day and age, people's eating habits are very personal and just imagine how annoyed you'd be if you went to a wedding and the hosts didn't have a choice for you to eat so you can't eat dinner? Its common courtesy especially since more and more people are choosing for health or diet reasons to eat differently. Or, they are like me and if the only choice is fish {some of which I am allergic to} I have to have the vegetarian meal otherwise the reception won't go on when I have an allergic reaction!

Wedding Etiquette Wednesdays

Every Wednesday, I will try to shed some light on a Question that I find floating around the wedding'sphere.

Are couples expected to send thank you cards to guests who don't send a gift or bring a card to the wedding?

While you'll assume that everyone you invite to your wedding {and particularly those that actually attend the wedding day events} will give you a present, its not always the case. I've found that its not out of spite, its out of forgetfulness. Since guests have a lot of time to get you a present {pre-wedding day and then up to the 1st Anniversary} there's ample room to simply forget.

For every gift you receive {even if it is multiples from one guest} - they in turn must receive a thank you note for each gift they've given you. Your thank you note doesn't need to be some huge long letter, just a simple note {handwritten} thanking them for the gift + your intended use of said gift and that's generally enough. If they went above and beyond, let them know.

But, if a guest at your wedding simply attended the wedding but failed to give you a gift, there's no reason to send them a note thanking them for coming to the wedding. Ensure that throughout your reception, you stop at each table or group of people and thank them for coming. That personal attention to your guests is all that you need to do.

From Emily Post regarding thank you note etiquette:

•Anyone who gives you an engagement, shower or wedding gift, even if you have thanked them in person. Individual notes should be written to people who contributed to a group gift.
•Anyone who gives a gift of money: cash, checks, contributions to savings accounts and donations to charities. Mentioning the amount is optional, but it does let the person know the correct amount was received. You should mention what you plan to do with the money.
•Your attendants. A warm personal note attached to your gifts to your attendants will let them know how much you appreciate their efforts and support on your behalf.
•Anyone who hosted a party or shower for you. Ideally these notes should be written within two days of the event. Each host or hostess should be thanked individually with a note and a thank you gift.
•People who house or entertain your wedding guests. A note and a small gift should be sent to anyone who houses or entertains out-of-town wedding guests.
•People who do kindnesses for you. The neighbor who accepts delivery of your gifts when you are at work; the cousin who supervises the parking at the reception – anyone who assists you before, during or after your wedding.
•Suppliers and vendors. You don’t have to write everyone you hire for services, but anyone who exceeds your expectations will appreciate a courteous note of thanks.
•Your parents or whoever is hosting your wedding.