I watched a somewhat disturbing show on MTV yesterday while making dinner and it got me thinking about the need for pre-marital discussions that you must have with your soon to be spouse. The show also confirmed that I am far too old to be watching MTV, but that is an entirely different matter!
The premise of the show was following two couples as they lead up to their wedding and then their early newlywed life. Neither of the couples had lived together prior to the wedding day - that aspect of pre-marital-ness is less important to me it was the fact that neither couple discussed children, finances or employment before getting married! WHAT? In this 21st century, people aren't having these important conversations before they become a family? Its like buying a house without doing the inspection - you wouldn't have a clue as to what 'condition' you're getting the house.
I hear often that couples don't want to waste the time to do pre-marital counseling with their officiants - why? You don't want to take the time to invest in your marriage and your future with this person that you devoting your life to? Pre-martial counseling isn't like therapy where you lie on a couch and discuss feelings - its where you converse about the nitty-gritty. Its where you talk about how you view the role of a mother and the role of a father, what your financial affairs look like {who wants to find out their spouse has tons of debt after the wedding?}, how you view each other's career, what you expect from your spouse. These are seriously important topics to discuss that I can bet you won't be talking about over dinner one night.
So please, just like you are investing all this time, energy and effort into making sure you have the best wedding day - please take the time, energy and effort to invest in your marriage. Its importan, remember the wedding day is one day, the marriage is for life.
Showing posts with label marriage. Show all posts
Showing posts with label marriage. Show all posts
Tuesday, June 8, 2010
Tuesday, August 4, 2009
Five Lessons I've Learned About Wedding Planning
I thought I would take the time today to discuss Five Lessons that I have learned throughout my wedding planning adventures. Some are personal, that I've learned along the way about myself and some are related to wedding planning.
1. Get everything in writing ~ even if its the stupidest, smallest detail. Firstly, as hard as I try, I can't remember everything and if I don't write it down, it might as well have never been a thought. Take notes during your meetings and file them away. Somewhere down the line, a vendor will want to know which direction the table runner was going and since you wrote it down, you'll be able to quickly give them that information. This principle also applies to contracts and other promises that vendors give you: if its in writing, they can't renege on it. If it's not, well then its "he said, she said" and that is an ugly route to go down.
2. I can only be as great a wedding planner based off the information a client and a vendor tells me. Its unfortunate, but I have yet to master the art of mind reading. Which means, that as a wedding coordinator, I rely on everyone telling me exactly what they are thinking / feeling / wanting. I can usually make any desire happen, I just need to be told about it first in order to get the ball rolling.
3. Think about your guests comfort, to a certain degree. Obviously, while planning your wedding, you've thought about guest comforts: feeding them, providing them libation, entertainment, a thoughtful welcome bag, the small details to make your wedding as fun for them as possible. But, don't continuously make decisions based off of what you think your guests will like / prefer / want to do. Your guests want to see you get hitched and they want to eat, drink and be merry. Anything after that is just a bonus. The best part about a wedding is that despite your guest having been a guest numerous times, they come to every wedding with a fresh slate. Everything is new, novel and exciting and since the Bride and the Groom are the hosts, they will follow your lead.
4. Bathroom locations are extremely important. We don't really need to discuss this in detail, but just remember that having an easy to locate bathroom is high priority.
5. The wedding is one day, a marriage is a lifetime. I personally subscribe to this motto everyday, and I am a wedding planner! You spend so much time planning and planning the wedding, but something its easy to forget that the wedding is actually only one day and that your marriage is a lifetime. Take time in your planning process to discuss important matters and questions that you will encounter in your marriage. Take time to work on your marriage before the wedding, setting the foundation. Regardless of what may happen on the actual wedding day ~ its one day. Your marriage is for the rest of time {I am a total romantic at heart}, so whatever happens on the wedding day, its just small potatoes.
1. Get everything in writing ~ even if its the stupidest, smallest detail. Firstly, as hard as I try, I can't remember everything and if I don't write it down, it might as well have never been a thought. Take notes during your meetings and file them away. Somewhere down the line, a vendor will want to know which direction the table runner was going and since you wrote it down, you'll be able to quickly give them that information. This principle also applies to contracts and other promises that vendors give you: if its in writing, they can't renege on it. If it's not, well then its "he said, she said" and that is an ugly route to go down.
2. I can only be as great a wedding planner based off the information a client and a vendor tells me. Its unfortunate, but I have yet to master the art of mind reading. Which means, that as a wedding coordinator, I rely on everyone telling me exactly what they are thinking / feeling / wanting. I can usually make any desire happen, I just need to be told about it first in order to get the ball rolling.
3. Think about your guests comfort, to a certain degree. Obviously, while planning your wedding, you've thought about guest comforts: feeding them, providing them libation, entertainment, a thoughtful welcome bag, the small details to make your wedding as fun for them as possible. But, don't continuously make decisions based off of what you think your guests will like / prefer / want to do. Your guests want to see you get hitched and they want to eat, drink and be merry. Anything after that is just a bonus. The best part about a wedding is that despite your guest having been a guest numerous times, they come to every wedding with a fresh slate. Everything is new, novel and exciting and since the Bride and the Groom are the hosts, they will follow your lead.
4. Bathroom locations are extremely important. We don't really need to discuss this in detail, but just remember that having an easy to locate bathroom is high priority.
5. The wedding is one day, a marriage is a lifetime. I personally subscribe to this motto everyday, and I am a wedding planner! You spend so much time planning and planning the wedding, but something its easy to forget that the wedding is actually only one day and that your marriage is a lifetime. Take time in your planning process to discuss important matters and questions that you will encounter in your marriage. Take time to work on your marriage before the wedding, setting the foundation. Regardless of what may happen on the actual wedding day ~ its one day. Your marriage is for the rest of time {I am a total romantic at heart}, so whatever happens on the wedding day, its just small potatoes.
Monday, July 13, 2009
Wedding Day Expecations
Throughout the wedding planning process, its easy to become consumed with all the details and lose sight of a very important aspect of the planning: the actual wedding day!
As you get closer to the actual day, you'll probably be overwhelmed collecting RSVPs, getting escort cards completed and putting together welcome baskets and favors. Try to remember that these are all important details, but by no means the end all be all of your wedding day. The best aspect of weddings is that your guests have no clue what you've planned to notice if something is awry or didn't happen as expected. Use this insight to lose control on your wedding day. While you've picked all your vendors, details, logistics and everything else, there really is only one thing you can't control: the weather. And since you can't control it, just go with it {par example: my outdoor, tented reception took place during a full fledged hurricane. we didn't care because there was nothing we could do about it. but, our guests loved the added drama and it makes for great memories}.
Since you have no control over the weather or how your guests will act throughout the day, just roll with it. Get caught up in the moment of marrying the love of your life, not that your bridesmaid walked too quickly down the aisle. You want to remember all the amazing aspects of the day: your vows, the words your officiant said about you, how your new spouse looks during the first dance, the speeches and toasts made, don't worry about anything else. Its not important.
As you get closer to the actual day, you'll probably be overwhelmed collecting RSVPs, getting escort cards completed and putting together welcome baskets and favors. Try to remember that these are all important details, but by no means the end all be all of your wedding day. The best aspect of weddings is that your guests have no clue what you've planned to notice if something is awry or didn't happen as expected. Use this insight to lose control on your wedding day. While you've picked all your vendors, details, logistics and everything else, there really is only one thing you can't control: the weather. And since you can't control it, just go with it {par example: my outdoor, tented reception took place during a full fledged hurricane. we didn't care because there was nothing we could do about it. but, our guests loved the added drama and it makes for great memories}.
Since you have no control over the weather or how your guests will act throughout the day, just roll with it. Get caught up in the moment of marrying the love of your life, not that your bridesmaid walked too quickly down the aisle. You want to remember all the amazing aspects of the day: your vows, the words your officiant said about you, how your new spouse looks during the first dance, the speeches and toasts made, don't worry about anything else. Its not important.
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