I wanted to take a moment and recap all the lessons that I've shared with you regarding the weddings that I was a coordinator with. Each post is meant to be reflective, helpful and real - while I aim for a perfect wedding day for my clients, little snafus do arise and its best to be prepared for them. Some could have been avoided on the wedding day, others you should take in stride. Remember: the only thing that really truly matters on your wedding day is that you're getting married to the love of your life. Everything else is just gravy.
Some highlights:
* Sign a contract with EVERY vendor
* When it comes to wedding planning: organization & time management skills are key
* Have a set budget and stick to it
* Let go of all the white noise you'll hear from parents, friends - its your wedding
* If the tradition doesn't fit you, don't include it
* Don't sweat the small stuff - its not important
* DIY if you a natural Martha Stewart - stick to the pros if you aren't crafty
Above all, its your wedding, make it yours
Showing posts with label 2009 lessons. Show all posts
Showing posts with label 2009 lessons. Show all posts
Thursday, December 24, 2009
Wednesday, December 23, 2009
2009 Wedding Lessons Learned: War of the Vendors
2009 Wedding Lessons Learned
Throughout your wedding planning, you've met with vendors, evaluated their services and products and ultimately gone into contract with whomever you feel will provide the best service for your wedding day. What you've probably not remembered to do is ensure that they can work with all the other vendors you've chosen. Now, should you have to do this? Most vendors and most couples take for granted that everyone in this industry can work together, right? Isn't the common goal for everyone involved very simple: bride and groom get married and have a blast, right? You'd hope so. You'd hope that your vendors are professional enough to work with anyone.
What if they can't be professional on your wedding day? Whats a gal to do? Firstly, it should become fairly apparent long before the wedding day that two vendors may not see eye to eye. When you and your coordinator have this realization, construct a strategy, then go discuss this with each vendor. The goal is to ensure that neither vendor wages war on the other on the wedding day. Firstly, waging war isn't very classy; secondly, its going to upset several people, and thirdly, it could have been avoided. Make it known to all parties who is IN CHARGE. {This should be your wedding coordinator, but sometimes vendors get different ideas on this topic ...} Whomever is in charge, should be the final decision maker. If the two war'ing vendors can't even speak to each other, use the coordinator as a buffer. Do everything in your power to make sure that A) Bride nor Groom nor Guest are subjected to the war and B) realize that you're being silly. If you can't get along, fine, but its one day, get over it.
I was the so called buffer at a wedding this year between two war'ing vendors {ironically, I could see both their points, but that is neither here nor there} who weren't able to put aside their differences at the wedding and just let it go. While their differences were dealt with privately, there was a ting of hostility between the two in the air the whole night. Not Cool. Had we all sat down and discussed, all the snide comments would have been thrown out the window, instead of plugged into my ear. While their tiff luckily didn't harm the wedding, it could have. The couple got lucky that I was able to intervene appropriately.
Be a lover and not a hater. If you think your vendors can't be civil, discuss this in advance with all interested parties!
Throughout your wedding planning, you've met with vendors, evaluated their services and products and ultimately gone into contract with whomever you feel will provide the best service for your wedding day. What you've probably not remembered to do is ensure that they can work with all the other vendors you've chosen. Now, should you have to do this? Most vendors and most couples take for granted that everyone in this industry can work together, right? Isn't the common goal for everyone involved very simple: bride and groom get married and have a blast, right? You'd hope so. You'd hope that your vendors are professional enough to work with anyone.
What if they can't be professional on your wedding day? Whats a gal to do? Firstly, it should become fairly apparent long before the wedding day that two vendors may not see eye to eye. When you and your coordinator have this realization, construct a strategy, then go discuss this with each vendor. The goal is to ensure that neither vendor wages war on the other on the wedding day. Firstly, waging war isn't very classy; secondly, its going to upset several people, and thirdly, it could have been avoided. Make it known to all parties who is IN CHARGE. {This should be your wedding coordinator, but sometimes vendors get different ideas on this topic ...} Whomever is in charge, should be the final decision maker. If the two war'ing vendors can't even speak to each other, use the coordinator as a buffer. Do everything in your power to make sure that A) Bride nor Groom nor Guest are subjected to the war and B) realize that you're being silly. If you can't get along, fine, but its one day, get over it.
I was the so called buffer at a wedding this year between two war'ing vendors {ironically, I could see both their points, but that is neither here nor there} who weren't able to put aside their differences at the wedding and just let it go. While their differences were dealt with privately, there was a ting of hostility between the two in the air the whole night. Not Cool. Had we all sat down and discussed, all the snide comments would have been thrown out the window, instead of plugged into my ear. While their tiff luckily didn't harm the wedding, it could have. The couple got lucky that I was able to intervene appropriately.
Be a lover and not a hater. If you think your vendors can't be civil, discuss this in advance with all interested parties!
Tuesday, December 22, 2009
2009 Wedding Lessons Learned: DIY Does Not Equal Do It Yourself
2009 Wedding Lessons Learned
With all the inspiration and ideas floating around wedding blogs and wedding magazines, please keep in mind this: Not all inspiration is created equal and not all inspiration is appropriate for your wedding. If you are particularly crafty and have the time and effort, then by all means if you can fit the projects into your life, then go for it; but if you are really good at finding ideas but not executing them, then please, do yourself a favor and scrap the DIY bent. It won't work out for you on the wedding day.
If you choose to go the DIY route for some things on your wedding day - please be mindful that you need to fully prepare each project well in advance of the wedding day. What seems so simple to you to prepare, set up and execute may be a gargantuan task to someone else. If you've hired a wedding planner then be up front with them about all the DIY projects you want them to help with. Don't just skim over things or shove them under the carpet. If your wedding coordinator knows about these projects in advance, they can build their timeline and their staffing to ensure that everything happens as you want it to. But, if you fail to mention all of these "little" DIY projects then your coordinator will come ill-equipped to handle them and yes, your wedding will not be as you envisioned. Honesty is the best policy in this DIY case.
I was the unfortunate planner - victim at a wedding this year where at least 10+ DIY projects were not mentioned to me prior to the wedding day and yes, the wedding day did go off but with many hitches as I was understaffed and ill prepared to handle all of the tasks which meant that the wedding day did suffer. Try as I might, my staff and I cannot become superhuman if we aren't told about things in advance. While yes, I may have experience arranging flowers, do not assume that you can give your planner a bunch of materials and expect them to be able to whip up 20 centerpieces in an hour. Its just not going to turn out as you wished.
Therefore, DIY is a fabulous route if you've got the talent and wherewithal for it, but if you aren't a Martha Stewart wannabe, then it may be wise to leave the DIY at home.
With all the inspiration and ideas floating around wedding blogs and wedding magazines, please keep in mind this: Not all inspiration is created equal and not all inspiration is appropriate for your wedding. If you are particularly crafty and have the time and effort, then by all means if you can fit the projects into your life, then go for it; but if you are really good at finding ideas but not executing them, then please, do yourself a favor and scrap the DIY bent. It won't work out for you on the wedding day.
If you choose to go the DIY route for some things on your wedding day - please be mindful that you need to fully prepare each project well in advance of the wedding day. What seems so simple to you to prepare, set up and execute may be a gargantuan task to someone else. If you've hired a wedding planner then be up front with them about all the DIY projects you want them to help with. Don't just skim over things or shove them under the carpet. If your wedding coordinator knows about these projects in advance, they can build their timeline and their staffing to ensure that everything happens as you want it to. But, if you fail to mention all of these "little" DIY projects then your coordinator will come ill-equipped to handle them and yes, your wedding will not be as you envisioned. Honesty is the best policy in this DIY case.
I was the unfortunate planner - victim at a wedding this year where at least 10+ DIY projects were not mentioned to me prior to the wedding day and yes, the wedding day did go off but with many hitches as I was understaffed and ill prepared to handle all of the tasks which meant that the wedding day did suffer. Try as I might, my staff and I cannot become superhuman if we aren't told about things in advance. While yes, I may have experience arranging flowers, do not assume that you can give your planner a bunch of materials and expect them to be able to whip up 20 centerpieces in an hour. Its just not going to turn out as you wished.
Therefore, DIY is a fabulous route if you've got the talent and wherewithal for it, but if you aren't a Martha Stewart wannabe, then it may be wise to leave the DIY at home.
Monday, December 21, 2009
2009 Wedding Lessons Learned: If the Wedding Tradition Doesn't Fit
2009 Wedding Lessons Learned
While there has been a definite shift from the weddings of years ago to the weddings of today, there are still basic pre-conceived notions of how a wedding should be. Everyone expects a Saturday affair, ceremony followed by cocktails followed by dinner and dancing. It's like we've all been trained to think one dimensionally when it comes to a wedding, so anything that doesn't follow that convention is met with apprehension and needs a lot of explaining. What I've come to love is that weddings do not need to be one dimensional or "normal"; in fact, its so much better if they aren't. If you choose not to do all the traditional aspects, its actually quite refreshing. Convincing your guests however, does take a bit of magic, but in every 'non-conventional' wedding I've worked or been a guest at, they always wind up being the best affairs, so trust me, it does always work out in the end.
I had the opportunity to work with a couple this year who were certainly breaking all the traditional wedding rules. They opted for a Sunday morning ceremony followed by a few hours break and then a late afternoon lunch. For them, the importance was getting married and the space they wanted could only accomodate them on a Sunday morning. The late afternoon lunch was perfect as they were able to reserve an entire restaurant and make the space work for them. While I am sure their wedding was met with resistance by fellow guests, the day flowed so nicely and it really was perfect for what they wanted. They didn't want the huge party, they wanted something small and intimate, which is exactly what they got.
So please, if there is some traditional aspect of weddings that isn't working for you - don't bend to make the tradition fit you, bend the tradition to fit you. At the end of the day, it's your wedding and you can do what you want!
While there has been a definite shift from the weddings of years ago to the weddings of today, there are still basic pre-conceived notions of how a wedding should be. Everyone expects a Saturday affair, ceremony followed by cocktails followed by dinner and dancing. It's like we've all been trained to think one dimensionally when it comes to a wedding, so anything that doesn't follow that convention is met with apprehension and needs a lot of explaining. What I've come to love is that weddings do not need to be one dimensional or "normal"; in fact, its so much better if they aren't. If you choose not to do all the traditional aspects, its actually quite refreshing. Convincing your guests however, does take a bit of magic, but in every 'non-conventional' wedding I've worked or been a guest at, they always wind up being the best affairs, so trust me, it does always work out in the end.
I had the opportunity to work with a couple this year who were certainly breaking all the traditional wedding rules. They opted for a Sunday morning ceremony followed by a few hours break and then a late afternoon lunch. For them, the importance was getting married and the space they wanted could only accomodate them on a Sunday morning. The late afternoon lunch was perfect as they were able to reserve an entire restaurant and make the space work for them. While I am sure their wedding was met with resistance by fellow guests, the day flowed so nicely and it really was perfect for what they wanted. They didn't want the huge party, they wanted something small and intimate, which is exactly what they got.
So please, if there is some traditional aspect of weddings that isn't working for you - don't bend to make the tradition fit you, bend the tradition to fit you. At the end of the day, it's your wedding and you can do what you want!
Thursday, December 17, 2009
2009 Wedding Lessons Learned: Don't Sweat The Small Stuff
2009 Wedding Lessons Learned
From first hand experience, I can tell you that your wedding day will literally feel like it lasted for five minutes. All the months of planning and effort you've put into creating this lovely day will whip by in mere moments, so, I implore you: Don't sweat the little things. If something does or doesn't happen that you didn't plan for: just roll with it. The day is too short and too important to worry about little things that really in the grand scheme, mean nothing and are irrelevant. You don't want to look back at your wedding day with regret.
One of my brides could have easily gone down the stressed out road on her wedding day, when the transportation company failed to return to get the bridesmaids after dropping off the groomsmen at the church. I had gone over the details with the limo company repeatedly, but the driver chose not to cooperate. Instead of the bride getting upset and letting this setback ruin her moment, she simply said "Gals, get in a cab and get to Brooklyn" - she was so matter of fact and calm, it was refreshing. All that mattered to her was getting married and despite little obstacles popping up, she just went with it and created a plan B. She didn't let this hiccup ruin her day at all.
So please, I know its very easy to get wrapped up in the drama or the small issues, but really, they don't matter. What matters most is that its your wedding day.
From first hand experience, I can tell you that your wedding day will literally feel like it lasted for five minutes. All the months of planning and effort you've put into creating this lovely day will whip by in mere moments, so, I implore you: Don't sweat the little things. If something does or doesn't happen that you didn't plan for: just roll with it. The day is too short and too important to worry about little things that really in the grand scheme, mean nothing and are irrelevant. You don't want to look back at your wedding day with regret.
One of my brides could have easily gone down the stressed out road on her wedding day, when the transportation company failed to return to get the bridesmaids after dropping off the groomsmen at the church. I had gone over the details with the limo company repeatedly, but the driver chose not to cooperate. Instead of the bride getting upset and letting this setback ruin her moment, she simply said "Gals, get in a cab and get to Brooklyn" - she was so matter of fact and calm, it was refreshing. All that mattered to her was getting married and despite little obstacles popping up, she just went with it and created a plan B. She didn't let this hiccup ruin her day at all.
So please, I know its very easy to get wrapped up in the drama or the small issues, but really, they don't matter. What matters most is that its your wedding day.
Tuesday, December 15, 2009
2009 Wedding Lessons Learned: When Your Wedding Funding Disappears
2009 Wedding Lessons Learned
While I would hate for this scenario to happen to anyone, what if during the midst of your wedding planning, the money that you thought would pay for your big day disappeared. Either your parents or other contributors were now unable to give you money that you had been promised {for whatever reason} or you yourself were now unable to pay for the wedding that you have been planning. How would you react?
Unfortunately I had this occur to one of my couples and while it was a very big shock to their system, I was humbled by their reaction and I can only hope that others would react this way as well. Instead of crying, canceling the wedding or getting angry, they simply changed direction in their wedding planning process. They went back to all the contract vendors and explained the situation. Most were amenable to cancelling contracts {we were about 11 months out from the wedding at this point}.
The bride and groom sat down and thought about what was the most important aspects of the wedding: 1. Getting married & saying their vows 2. Being with their closest 24 people instead of their non-closest 150 people and 3. Not going broke over one day of their life. With those as their top three priorities, we started to plan their real wedding, one that was much more true to them. They chose their favorite local restaurant as the venue, decided to do a meaningful ceremony in a park 5 blocks from the restaurant and they whittled down their guest list to the people that truly meant something to them.
Their wedding day was one of the best that I have been a part of. The bride wanted no frou frou fluffiness on the day, so she didn't have any of that. They didn't do any traditions {first dance, parent dances etc} because they felt that those traditions weren't them. Their wedding day was about their love for each other and the group of people there. It was so refreshing to see that despite their wedding day taking a potential turn for the worse, it wound up being so much more meaningful. I applaud them for not letting a monetary setback impede their plans for getting married.
How have you taken a set back in your wedding planning and turned it into a positive?
While I would hate for this scenario to happen to anyone, what if during the midst of your wedding planning, the money that you thought would pay for your big day disappeared. Either your parents or other contributors were now unable to give you money that you had been promised {for whatever reason} or you yourself were now unable to pay for the wedding that you have been planning. How would you react?
Unfortunately I had this occur to one of my couples and while it was a very big shock to their system, I was humbled by their reaction and I can only hope that others would react this way as well. Instead of crying, canceling the wedding or getting angry, they simply changed direction in their wedding planning process. They went back to all the contract vendors and explained the situation. Most were amenable to cancelling contracts {we were about 11 months out from the wedding at this point}.
The bride and groom sat down and thought about what was the most important aspects of the wedding: 1. Getting married & saying their vows 2. Being with their closest 24 people instead of their non-closest 150 people and 3. Not going broke over one day of their life. With those as their top three priorities, we started to plan their real wedding, one that was much more true to them. They chose their favorite local restaurant as the venue, decided to do a meaningful ceremony in a park 5 blocks from the restaurant and they whittled down their guest list to the people that truly meant something to them.
Their wedding day was one of the best that I have been a part of. The bride wanted no frou frou fluffiness on the day, so she didn't have any of that. They didn't do any traditions {first dance, parent dances etc} because they felt that those traditions weren't them. Their wedding day was about their love for each other and the group of people there. It was so refreshing to see that despite their wedding day taking a potential turn for the worse, it wound up being so much more meaningful. I applaud them for not letting a monetary setback impede their plans for getting married.
How have you taken a set back in your wedding planning and turned it into a positive?
Monday, December 14, 2009
2009 Wedding Lessons Learned: When Your Wedding Budget Is Out of Control
2009 Wedding Lessons Learned
Regardless of what number your wedding budget is; you've put a budget in place to make sure that you don't start wildly spending here and there and start putting the person who foots the bill in future financial jeopardy. Remember that while the wedding day is a very important day in your life, its one day, while your marriage is forever.
In an ideal world, you'd find vendors that fit into your budget from the get go, rather than booking vendors that begin to stretch your budget, forcing you to start scrambling on where you can cut and delete to reign the spending in. When you are interviewing vendors and gathering ideas, keep in mind that regardless of what you plan for the day - your guests won't know what you spent on the day unless you tell them. So, if there is a way to bring costs down but still be classy: DO IT.
I had one such wedding this year - it was simply a divine affair, but they very much had a budget and they very much had to stick with it. But yet, throughout the planning, the spending started getting out of control and a month before the wedding we had to sit down and go through proposals and contracts and figure out what adjustments needed to be made so that they could actually afford the wedding day {I was the DOC for it}. It wasn't the most pleasant day in their wedding planning process simply because I had to be the non-emotional voice of reason aka "the bad guy" saying that this, this and this had to be cut and this, this and this had to be changed. At the end of our meeting, we had reigned in the spending but the stress of going back to vendors and re-negotiating contracts wasn't exactly what the bride and groom wanted to be doing during their final month of engagement. Had they not spent so freely when they were choosing vendors, they wouldn't have been put in the scramble position. Everything worked out for the wedding weekend - but free spending = more stress in the end. They also decided to cut some labor costs from certain vendors that were passed along to the waitstaff which wasn't appropriate - so please, if you've hired a florist, pay for them to do the arrangements - its a part of their job.
If you've got a budget, aim to stick to it and keep in mind - when you come up with the number - pad it a bit for last minute things!
Regardless of what number your wedding budget is; you've put a budget in place to make sure that you don't start wildly spending here and there and start putting the person who foots the bill in future financial jeopardy. Remember that while the wedding day is a very important day in your life, its one day, while your marriage is forever.
In an ideal world, you'd find vendors that fit into your budget from the get go, rather than booking vendors that begin to stretch your budget, forcing you to start scrambling on where you can cut and delete to reign the spending in. When you are interviewing vendors and gathering ideas, keep in mind that regardless of what you plan for the day - your guests won't know what you spent on the day unless you tell them. So, if there is a way to bring costs down but still be classy: DO IT.
I had one such wedding this year - it was simply a divine affair, but they very much had a budget and they very much had to stick with it. But yet, throughout the planning, the spending started getting out of control and a month before the wedding we had to sit down and go through proposals and contracts and figure out what adjustments needed to be made so that they could actually afford the wedding day {I was the DOC for it}. It wasn't the most pleasant day in their wedding planning process simply because I had to be the non-emotional voice of reason aka "the bad guy" saying that this, this and this had to be cut and this, this and this had to be changed. At the end of our meeting, we had reigned in the spending but the stress of going back to vendors and re-negotiating contracts wasn't exactly what the bride and groom wanted to be doing during their final month of engagement. Had they not spent so freely when they were choosing vendors, they wouldn't have been put in the scramble position. Everything worked out for the wedding weekend - but free spending = more stress in the end. They also decided to cut some labor costs from certain vendors that were passed along to the waitstaff which wasn't appropriate - so please, if you've hired a florist, pay for them to do the arrangements - its a part of their job.
If you've got a budget, aim to stick to it and keep in mind - when you come up with the number - pad it a bit for last minute things!
Thursday, December 10, 2009
2009 Wedding Lessons Learned: Making Your Wedding Your Own
2009 Wedding Lessons Learned
I was lucky enough to work with a couple this year who was the epitome of a movie worthy love story - they had met years and year ago, only to go their separate ways to be reunited a few years later and realized that they were deeply in love. When they decided to get married, you could see on their wedding day that their love was very genuine. It wasn't until we were entrenched in the coordination process that I came to find out that this was the bride's second marriage. And, she was determined that the first marriage wasn't going to have anything to do with her "real marriage" {as she called it!}.
Besides the location and venue being vastly different, my bride made a point of being a bride on her wedding day. It didn't matter to her that this was the second gown she was going to wear, she was going to go big or go home. She didn't harp on "but I've already done a first dance, or I've already cut the cake" she wanted to do these traditional aspects with her new husband and there wasn't any reason not to. Too often I hear that second weddings really aim to be the antithesis of the first wedding, so much so that all the fun parts of the wedding are scrapped because 'been there, done that'. I don't see why things need to be that way. It's your wedding day - make it your own. Regardless of whether or not you've already done x,y, and z aspect of a wedding at the first, if you and the hubby want to partake in that aspect - do it. Its not the same as the first time around. It simply can't and won't be. The people are different {even if a few guests came to your previous wedding}, the atmosphere is different and above all: you are different. You've grown and gotten more enlightened, you've expanded your world and you've gained a wider perspective in life. There isn't a possibility that you're the same as you were, so there's no possibility that your second wedding will be the same.
Go ahead and own your wedding day, you deserve it!
I was lucky enough to work with a couple this year who was the epitome of a movie worthy love story - they had met years and year ago, only to go their separate ways to be reunited a few years later and realized that they were deeply in love. When they decided to get married, you could see on their wedding day that their love was very genuine. It wasn't until we were entrenched in the coordination process that I came to find out that this was the bride's second marriage. And, she was determined that the first marriage wasn't going to have anything to do with her "real marriage" {as she called it!}.
Besides the location and venue being vastly different, my bride made a point of being a bride on her wedding day. It didn't matter to her that this was the second gown she was going to wear, she was going to go big or go home. She didn't harp on "but I've already done a first dance, or I've already cut the cake" she wanted to do these traditional aspects with her new husband and there wasn't any reason not to. Too often I hear that second weddings really aim to be the antithesis of the first wedding, so much so that all the fun parts of the wedding are scrapped because 'been there, done that'. I don't see why things need to be that way. It's your wedding day - make it your own. Regardless of whether or not you've already done x,y, and z aspect of a wedding at the first, if you and the hubby want to partake in that aspect - do it. Its not the same as the first time around. It simply can't and won't be. The people are different {even if a few guests came to your previous wedding}, the atmosphere is different and above all: you are different. You've grown and gotten more enlightened, you've expanded your world and you've gained a wider perspective in life. There isn't a possibility that you're the same as you were, so there's no possibility that your second wedding will be the same.
Go ahead and own your wedding day, you deserve it!
Thursday, December 3, 2009
2009 Wedding Lessons Learned: Dealing with Debbie Downer
2009 Wedding Lessons Learned
As a wedding planner, one of my roles is to act as a neutral party on the wedding day - particularly between parents and the couple getting married. Most of the time, everyone is just so happy and full of love that there isn't any issues, sometimes however, this isn't the case and emotions get overwhelming and get the best of people. I know, as a bride, that its very difficult to shut out the negativity that you may receive from a family member, but honestly, you have to. You have to make a concerted effort to shut out words and thoughts that will upset you. Its your wedding day! Be happy and strong! Remember that who ever is lashing out is doing so because their emotions and thoughts are unstable - it almost never actually has anything to do with YOU. Its hard to do, but blocking out the negative will ensure that your day isn't a gloomy one.
I witnessed this at a wedding this year and it simply broke my heart. The mother of the bride was insistent that her daughter had planned the worst wedding ever {trust me, it was quite the opposite}. She stated this over and over to the point that her daughter became inconsolable and miserable. Her newly minted husband tried his hardest to bring her back up to enjoy the beautiful day, but he couldn't. I was devastated at everyones behavior and repeatedly tried to get everyone into neutral corners and to just let it all go. In the end, all the bride is going to remember is how her mother ruined her fabulous day. Please - don't let this happen to you. If you think or know that someone will try and be a downer on your day, tell your wedding planner so they know in advance to keep everyone apart. We can intervene and will intervene, but sometimes the damage is already done.
Seek out positivity on your day, and don't let any negativity bring you down - you're getting married!
As a wedding planner, one of my roles is to act as a neutral party on the wedding day - particularly between parents and the couple getting married. Most of the time, everyone is just so happy and full of love that there isn't any issues, sometimes however, this isn't the case and emotions get overwhelming and get the best of people. I know, as a bride, that its very difficult to shut out the negativity that you may receive from a family member, but honestly, you have to. You have to make a concerted effort to shut out words and thoughts that will upset you. Its your wedding day! Be happy and strong! Remember that who ever is lashing out is doing so because their emotions and thoughts are unstable - it almost never actually has anything to do with YOU. Its hard to do, but blocking out the negative will ensure that your day isn't a gloomy one.
I witnessed this at a wedding this year and it simply broke my heart. The mother of the bride was insistent that her daughter had planned the worst wedding ever {trust me, it was quite the opposite}. She stated this over and over to the point that her daughter became inconsolable and miserable. Her newly minted husband tried his hardest to bring her back up to enjoy the beautiful day, but he couldn't. I was devastated at everyones behavior and repeatedly tried to get everyone into neutral corners and to just let it all go. In the end, all the bride is going to remember is how her mother ruined her fabulous day. Please - don't let this happen to you. If you think or know that someone will try and be a downer on your day, tell your wedding planner so they know in advance to keep everyone apart. We can intervene and will intervene, but sometimes the damage is already done.
Seek out positivity on your day, and don't let any negativity bring you down - you're getting married!
Wednesday, December 2, 2009
2009 Wedding Lessons Learned: Mr.and Mrs. United Front - Resisting the Naysayers
2009 Wedding Lessons Learned
One would hope that a couple's wedding day is a very true reflection of them as a couple, and not a day influenced by anyone else. It's sad to say, but that's not always the case and I wish it were. Fortunately, I had the opportunity and honor to help plan and coordinate a wedding this year that was 100% couple only. Firstly, they did a two day affair - small intimate ceremony in their backyard followed by a fabulous soiree the next night for their closest 100. For them, this was exactly how they wanted their wedding and no matter how 'untraditional' the whole affair seemed to everyone else, they didn't care. And believe me, they received a lot of flack for the whole experience. The parents didn't get it, there were friends and family that were upset about who got invited to the ceremony and who didn't ... the list of gripes goes on and on. But, the couple stood firm in what they wanted and they didn't listen to the naysayers. It was their wedding and they could and would do what they wanted with it. And you know what, it was an amazing weekend that every guest loved.
So, how hard or easy is it to close off all the white noise that you'll inevitably get regarding your wedding planning? Firstly, be a united front. You're a mini family, the two of you, stay that way. This is probably the first of many battles that you'll face together once you're officially Mr. and Mrs. - this is the perfect time to start working together and be a unit. This may be difficult, but if you trust and support each other, and above all, believe in each other, it will be much easier to stand your ground. No one wants to be bullied into something anyways, right? Secondly, its your wedding. Do what you want. There really isn't any notion of 'traditions' these days as everyone wants their wedding to not be typical and the same. The new tradition is creating your own traditions. Picking and choosing what represents you as a couple, not doing something because someone says you have to. If you find an idea, great! Make it your own. Believe in it. Trust me, any resistance you may get before the big day will be gone when everyone sees how truly fabulous your wedding day is.
How will you be representing yourself as a couple on your wedding day? How have you handled any push back you've receiving during your wedding planning process?
One would hope that a couple's wedding day is a very true reflection of them as a couple, and not a day influenced by anyone else. It's sad to say, but that's not always the case and I wish it were. Fortunately, I had the opportunity and honor to help plan and coordinate a wedding this year that was 100% couple only. Firstly, they did a two day affair - small intimate ceremony in their backyard followed by a fabulous soiree the next night for their closest 100. For them, this was exactly how they wanted their wedding and no matter how 'untraditional' the whole affair seemed to everyone else, they didn't care. And believe me, they received a lot of flack for the whole experience. The parents didn't get it, there were friends and family that were upset about who got invited to the ceremony and who didn't ... the list of gripes goes on and on. But, the couple stood firm in what they wanted and they didn't listen to the naysayers. It was their wedding and they could and would do what they wanted with it. And you know what, it was an amazing weekend that every guest loved.
So, how hard or easy is it to close off all the white noise that you'll inevitably get regarding your wedding planning? Firstly, be a united front. You're a mini family, the two of you, stay that way. This is probably the first of many battles that you'll face together once you're officially Mr. and Mrs. - this is the perfect time to start working together and be a unit. This may be difficult, but if you trust and support each other, and above all, believe in each other, it will be much easier to stand your ground. No one wants to be bullied into something anyways, right? Secondly, its your wedding. Do what you want. There really isn't any notion of 'traditions' these days as everyone wants their wedding to not be typical and the same. The new tradition is creating your own traditions. Picking and choosing what represents you as a couple, not doing something because someone says you have to. If you find an idea, great! Make it your own. Believe in it. Trust me, any resistance you may get before the big day will be gone when everyone sees how truly fabulous your wedding day is.
How will you be representing yourself as a couple on your wedding day? How have you handled any push back you've receiving during your wedding planning process?
Tuesday, December 1, 2009
2009 Wedding Lessons Learned: The Valueless Meaning of the Unlimited Wedding Budget
2009 Wedding Lessons Learned
I know that talking about money is like talking about a dirty little secret. No one feels comfortable doing it, BUT, when it comes to planning your wedding, its a conversation that absolutely MUST HAPPEN! Whenever I have a consultation, its one of the first questions I ask, simply because as a wedding planner, knowing what your threshold is, makes me do my job better. I will recommend vendors that are appropriate to your budget, so no one's time gets wasted. So, please don't think I am being nosy, I am just trying to do my job!
When you sit down to discuss your budget - please be reasonable. There is no need to have a wedding that will start your marriage off in debt. Remember that a wedding lasts for one day, a marriage lasts forever. On the flipside - if you have unlimited funds for the wedding day - set a limit. Its actually not helpful to any of your vendors if you say the budget is unlimited. Unlimited and Wedding mean very different things to each person. Unlimited could mean $50,000 to one vendor, or it could mean $1,000,000 to another vendor. I know those are two extremes, but they get my point across, unlimited does not hold the same value for every person. Set a limit.
I ran into this budgetary conundrum with one of my couple's this year. They were adamant that unlimited meant unlimited, no expense spared. When we started getting quotes from vendors for every aspect of the day, unlimited came to have a very defined number that was near where close to Unlimited. They had quickly realized that if you say "unlimited" to your vendors, they will create very pricey proposals. We had to scale back every vendor to fit into their definition of unlimited - something that could have been avoided if a budget had been pre-determined.
For more budget information, please read this post!
I know that talking about money is like talking about a dirty little secret. No one feels comfortable doing it, BUT, when it comes to planning your wedding, its a conversation that absolutely MUST HAPPEN! Whenever I have a consultation, its one of the first questions I ask, simply because as a wedding planner, knowing what your threshold is, makes me do my job better. I will recommend vendors that are appropriate to your budget, so no one's time gets wasted. So, please don't think I am being nosy, I am just trying to do my job!
When you sit down to discuss your budget - please be reasonable. There is no need to have a wedding that will start your marriage off in debt. Remember that a wedding lasts for one day, a marriage lasts forever. On the flipside - if you have unlimited funds for the wedding day - set a limit. Its actually not helpful to any of your vendors if you say the budget is unlimited. Unlimited and Wedding mean very different things to each person. Unlimited could mean $50,000 to one vendor, or it could mean $1,000,000 to another vendor. I know those are two extremes, but they get my point across, unlimited does not hold the same value for every person. Set a limit.
I ran into this budgetary conundrum with one of my couple's this year. They were adamant that unlimited meant unlimited, no expense spared. When we started getting quotes from vendors for every aspect of the day, unlimited came to have a very defined number that was near where close to Unlimited. They had quickly realized that if you say "unlimited" to your vendors, they will create very pricey proposals. We had to scale back every vendor to fit into their definition of unlimited - something that could have been avoided if a budget had been pre-determined.
For more budget information, please read this post!
Monday, November 30, 2009
2009 Wedding Lessons Learned: Being a Smart Bride
2009 Wedding Lessons Learned
I was fortunate enough to be trusted with the wedding planning of a dear friend's older sister. My friend called me just after Christmas last year and said "My sister just got married and she wants to get married in eight months. Please tell me it isn't possible!". Much to my friend's horror, I said yes, its possible. For some couples a shorter engagement just works better. But, it only works well though if you are a decisive bride and a decisive groom. Since you have less time to gather information and ideas, you need to be willing to act quickly to make decisions. {That being said, never ever rush a decision or act impulsively, just recognize that you can't mull over things for months on end}
We did plan their wedding in just under eight months and it was fabulous. The lessons that I learned from this bride have forever changed the way that I will plan weddings - her organization of time management was simply incredible. She is a busy woman with a very fast paced career and she knew that out of the roughly eight months we'd be planning the wedding that she would be away at trial for two months {two separate trips of one month each} which meant that when she was in town that her focus needed to be on her job and the wedding. Her fiance also has a busy career but she stressed to him how helpful it would be to her if he could pick up some of the slack whilst she was away. She trusted his judgement completely and for the aspects that the groom and I worked together on, he was a delight!
What this bride taught me was that time management skills really are an art and a lifestyle. We made appointments very far in advance, I kept her on track with extensive to do lists and cut information down from vendors into slices of concise and to the point offerings. By keeping each task small and manageable, she was able to plan the entire wedding with 3 months left to spare before the day. As we got closer, all we had left to deal with was details that were dependent on RSVP's. I was thoroughly impressed with her ability to look over information, process it and make a decision and stick to it. No waffling, no wavering - just trusting herself and her groom that the day was going to be fabulous no matter if they did a candy bar or not {we did!}.
As my mother always tells me "The early bird catches the worm" ... when it comes to Wedding Planning - have a clear timeline, keep focused and remember to trust your decisions and your vendors.
I was fortunate enough to be trusted with the wedding planning of a dear friend's older sister. My friend called me just after Christmas last year and said "My sister just got married and she wants to get married in eight months. Please tell me it isn't possible!". Much to my friend's horror, I said yes, its possible. For some couples a shorter engagement just works better. But, it only works well though if you are a decisive bride and a decisive groom. Since you have less time to gather information and ideas, you need to be willing to act quickly to make decisions. {That being said, never ever rush a decision or act impulsively, just recognize that you can't mull over things for months on end}
We did plan their wedding in just under eight months and it was fabulous. The lessons that I learned from this bride have forever changed the way that I will plan weddings - her organization of time management was simply incredible. She is a busy woman with a very fast paced career and she knew that out of the roughly eight months we'd be planning the wedding that she would be away at trial for two months {two separate trips of one month each} which meant that when she was in town that her focus needed to be on her job and the wedding. Her fiance also has a busy career but she stressed to him how helpful it would be to her if he could pick up some of the slack whilst she was away. She trusted his judgement completely and for the aspects that the groom and I worked together on, he was a delight!
What this bride taught me was that time management skills really are an art and a lifestyle. We made appointments very far in advance, I kept her on track with extensive to do lists and cut information down from vendors into slices of concise and to the point offerings. By keeping each task small and manageable, she was able to plan the entire wedding with 3 months left to spare before the day. As we got closer, all we had left to deal with was details that were dependent on RSVP's. I was thoroughly impressed with her ability to look over information, process it and make a decision and stick to it. No waffling, no wavering - just trusting herself and her groom that the day was going to be fabulous no matter if they did a candy bar or not {we did!}.
As my mother always tells me "The early bird catches the worm" ... when it comes to Wedding Planning - have a clear timeline, keep focused and remember to trust your decisions and your vendors.
Wednesday, November 25, 2009
2009 Wedding Lessons Learned: An Effective Day Of Coordinator
2009 Wedding Lessons Learned
I will start this post off with a bit of clarity - a Day Of Coordinator isn't just for the Day Of. It is the worst description ever. If I was truly just a Day Of Coordinator - I would literally know nothing and show up on the wedding day and try to figure out what was going on. So, since that isn't the case, I refer to "DOC" as Month Of Coordination, as we would together for the month before the wedding to educate the planner on what you've planned, create a timeline, do a site visit to ensure that your "Day Of" Coordinator is clued into everything that you envisioned happening.
I find that most brides that hire a Month Of Coordinator do so because they want a smooth, flawless day. They realize that they want an insurance policy that has their best interest at heart {trust me, the in-house coordinator at your venue does not have your best interest at heart - they are on the side of the venue} and who will go above and beyond to make sure that your wedding day goes off without a hitch {or at least hide the hitches}. Therefore, in order to make your Month Of Coordinator work effectively - please give them all the information they need for your wedding day. Every contract, every bit of expectations, every vendor {no matter how insignificant} should be handed over for your coordinator to run through and get educated. To be honest, I am not reading your contracts trying to figure out how much money you spent, I am reading them to make sure that I know what has been promised to you by the vendor.
The lesson learned here is that you, the bride, need to tell your coordinator everything! I had a near unfortunate incident this year when a bride failed to mention that she was having an ice luge delivered for the wedding. Well, not that an ice luge was a big deal, but she never told me, the venue, the catering firm and the irony of all ironies, she had chosen a beverage package that didn't include vodka {apparently the ice luge drink of choice} ... which meant that the waitstaff had to scramble to rustle up some vodka and we had to re-arrange the room layout to accommodate the ice luge. Obviously everything got sorted out, but it set the vendors back in their timeline. Had I known about this element, I would have prepared everyone for it. Clearly, the bride didn't appreciate what else went into having an ice luge. So please, inform and educate your Month Of Coordinator.
I will start this post off with a bit of clarity - a Day Of Coordinator isn't just for the Day Of. It is the worst description ever. If I was truly just a Day Of Coordinator - I would literally know nothing and show up on the wedding day and try to figure out what was going on. So, since that isn't the case, I refer to "DOC" as Month Of Coordination, as we would together for the month before the wedding to educate the planner on what you've planned, create a timeline, do a site visit to ensure that your "Day Of" Coordinator is clued into everything that you envisioned happening.
I find that most brides that hire a Month Of Coordinator do so because they want a smooth, flawless day. They realize that they want an insurance policy that has their best interest at heart {trust me, the in-house coordinator at your venue does not have your best interest at heart - they are on the side of the venue} and who will go above and beyond to make sure that your wedding day goes off without a hitch {or at least hide the hitches}. Therefore, in order to make your Month Of Coordinator work effectively - please give them all the information they need for your wedding day. Every contract, every bit of expectations, every vendor {no matter how insignificant} should be handed over for your coordinator to run through and get educated. To be honest, I am not reading your contracts trying to figure out how much money you spent, I am reading them to make sure that I know what has been promised to you by the vendor.
The lesson learned here is that you, the bride, need to tell your coordinator everything! I had a near unfortunate incident this year when a bride failed to mention that she was having an ice luge delivered for the wedding. Well, not that an ice luge was a big deal, but she never told me, the venue, the catering firm and the irony of all ironies, she had chosen a beverage package that didn't include vodka {apparently the ice luge drink of choice} ... which meant that the waitstaff had to scramble to rustle up some vodka and we had to re-arrange the room layout to accommodate the ice luge. Obviously everything got sorted out, but it set the vendors back in their timeline. Had I known about this element, I would have prepared everyone for it. Clearly, the bride didn't appreciate what else went into having an ice luge. So please, inform and educate your Month Of Coordinator.
Tuesday, November 24, 2009
2009 Wedding Lessons Learned: The Out of Control Guest
Series: 2009 Wedding Lessons Learned
Weddings are a joyous and celebratory occasion ~ its only natural that drinking and celebrating have become two peas in a pod. I've encountered many a overzealous guests in my time and nine out of ten times, they are completely fine and harmless, just enjoying themselves and the open bar. The times though when a guest has one too many and becomes a liability, it puts your vendors in a very awkward position of being bouncers.
The particular wedding in which I am referring to, one guest made it her mission to be incredibly inebriated {at one point I thought she had been hazed, that's how bad it was}. She was seen in the hotel bar drinking for two hours prior to the ceremony, which meant that she was trouble from the beginning. {Don't get me wrong, I am all for having a few drinks here and there, but being sloppy and slurring before 3PM is just well, sloppy) She proceeded to spend the entire wedding either drinking more or harassing all the vendors. The bride kept insisting that she was fine, but her behavior was actually very detrimental to the service providers, never mind that we were on a rooftop and I kept having the most horrible visions ... the final nail in the coffin came when she made an unsolicited speech during dinner that was well, a once in a lifetime experience to hear. The bride was so hurt she left the dinner and I was put in the position of having to remove this guest from the wedding. Its not a role that I want to put in, but I will when the guest is ruining the celebratory atmosphere.
If you know before the wedding that certain persons are going to take things too far with alcohol, give your vendors the heads up. We have seen it all, but if we know who to watch for in the beginning, we can cater things so that theirs and yours night doesn't end up badly.
Weddings are a joyous and celebratory occasion ~ its only natural that drinking and celebrating have become two peas in a pod. I've encountered many a overzealous guests in my time and nine out of ten times, they are completely fine and harmless, just enjoying themselves and the open bar. The times though when a guest has one too many and becomes a liability, it puts your vendors in a very awkward position of being bouncers.
The particular wedding in which I am referring to, one guest made it her mission to be incredibly inebriated {at one point I thought she had been hazed, that's how bad it was}. She was seen in the hotel bar drinking for two hours prior to the ceremony, which meant that she was trouble from the beginning. {Don't get me wrong, I am all for having a few drinks here and there, but being sloppy and slurring before 3PM is just well, sloppy) She proceeded to spend the entire wedding either drinking more or harassing all the vendors. The bride kept insisting that she was fine, but her behavior was actually very detrimental to the service providers, never mind that we were on a rooftop and I kept having the most horrible visions ... the final nail in the coffin came when she made an unsolicited speech during dinner that was well, a once in a lifetime experience to hear. The bride was so hurt she left the dinner and I was put in the position of having to remove this guest from the wedding. Its not a role that I want to put in, but I will when the guest is ruining the celebratory atmosphere.
If you know before the wedding that certain persons are going to take things too far with alcohol, give your vendors the heads up. We have seen it all, but if we know who to watch for in the beginning, we can cater things so that theirs and yours night doesn't end up badly.
Monday, November 23, 2009
2009 Wedding Lessons Learned: Post Wedding - Dealing with Issues
Series: 2009 Wedding Lessons Learned
Every bride assumes that her wedding will go smoothly and seamlessly. And almost all do. Some minor snafu here and there may arise, but its normally dealt with very quickly and has no lasting affect. I, myself, endured such a thing on my own wedding day when our cocktail tent which was attached to the side of the house, came crashing down 1 hour before cocktails and pulled off most of the side of the house. I was very lucky to only find out about this weeks after the wedding and even luckier that my day of coordinator dealt with it and got the issue fixed before guests arrived.
Enough about my wedding, getting back to a 2009 lesson learned - at one of our weddings this year, the bride had carefully chosen with the florist these beautiful silk lamps to complement the short centerpieces. When the room set up was complete, the room did look amazing and the lampshades were lit up with candles. Unfortunately, right before the first dance, several of these silk lampshades went up in flames. It wasn't out of control or dramatic, but it did ruin the look of the table since we had to pull the burnt ones off the table and extinguish the candles in the ones that hadn't burned yet. The bride was not fussed and glad that we were able to remedy the situation quickly. The issue only really got out of hand when the florist arrived at evenings end and claimed that we were lying. It was evident that the shades had burned, but she still refused to believe us. In fact, she charged the bride to replace them. It became a match of she said / she said and it left a sour taste in both my mouth and the brides mouth.
The bride and I were left with repeatedly calling and explaining what had happened. We checked with the videographer in the hopes that they had caught it on film {sadly, not}. It took lots and lots of persistence to finally get the florist to see that it was simply just an accident. My bride was left with a poor impression of the florist because of the way she had handled the situation. Not exactly how she wanted to end things.
The lesson learned here is that things will happen on your wedding day that are out of your control, but that dealing with them quickly post wedding will give you a better lasting impression of that vendor ~ positive referrals speak volumes versus ending the relationship with a spat.
Every bride assumes that her wedding will go smoothly and seamlessly. And almost all do. Some minor snafu here and there may arise, but its normally dealt with very quickly and has no lasting affect. I, myself, endured such a thing on my own wedding day when our cocktail tent which was attached to the side of the house, came crashing down 1 hour before cocktails and pulled off most of the side of the house. I was very lucky to only find out about this weeks after the wedding and even luckier that my day of coordinator dealt with it and got the issue fixed before guests arrived.
Enough about my wedding, getting back to a 2009 lesson learned - at one of our weddings this year, the bride had carefully chosen with the florist these beautiful silk lamps to complement the short centerpieces. When the room set up was complete, the room did look amazing and the lampshades were lit up with candles. Unfortunately, right before the first dance, several of these silk lampshades went up in flames. It wasn't out of control or dramatic, but it did ruin the look of the table since we had to pull the burnt ones off the table and extinguish the candles in the ones that hadn't burned yet. The bride was not fussed and glad that we were able to remedy the situation quickly. The issue only really got out of hand when the florist arrived at evenings end and claimed that we were lying. It was evident that the shades had burned, but she still refused to believe us. In fact, she charged the bride to replace them. It became a match of she said / she said and it left a sour taste in both my mouth and the brides mouth.
The bride and I were left with repeatedly calling and explaining what had happened. We checked with the videographer in the hopes that they had caught it on film {sadly, not}. It took lots and lots of persistence to finally get the florist to see that it was simply just an accident. My bride was left with a poor impression of the florist because of the way she had handled the situation. Not exactly how she wanted to end things.
The lesson learned here is that things will happen on your wedding day that are out of your control, but that dealing with them quickly post wedding will give you a better lasting impression of that vendor ~ positive referrals speak volumes versus ending the relationship with a spat.
Tuesday, November 17, 2009
2009 Wedding Lessons Learned: Contracts & Honesty
Series: 2009 Wedding Lessons Learned
Our 2009 wedding season started out with a huge lesson to be learned. I've discussed this topic frequently here on the blog, but it needs to be said over and over again. GET CONTRACTS FROM ALL YOUR VENDORS! No matter how involved your vendor may or may not be on the wedding, get their services and pricing in writing and have it signed by yourself and the vendor. A contract, above and beyond making things binding, is a guaranteed way to ensure that you get the service that you believe you are paying for on the wedding day, from the person you believe it is being provided by.
This lesson learned was learned by my client the hard way, when she learned 3 days before the wedding day that whom she believed was her hairdresser for the big day actually was scheduled elsewhere. I had insisted to the bride that she get a contract from the salon, but she assured me that the salon was professional and had everything together. Turns out, they just wanted her money and were prepared to leave my bride and bridal party out in the cold. We were fortunate enough to have time to fix the situation once we found out that the salon was backing out, but what if we hadn't had time?
Please please please, get contracts from everyone involved in your wedding day. If you've hired a coordinator, we want to see every last contract {including, yes, the ice sculpture being delivered} to ensure that you get what you paid for.
Our 2009 wedding season started out with a huge lesson to be learned. I've discussed this topic frequently here on the blog, but it needs to be said over and over again. GET CONTRACTS FROM ALL YOUR VENDORS! No matter how involved your vendor may or may not be on the wedding, get their services and pricing in writing and have it signed by yourself and the vendor. A contract, above and beyond making things binding, is a guaranteed way to ensure that you get the service that you believe you are paying for on the wedding day, from the person you believe it is being provided by.
This lesson learned was learned by my client the hard way, when she learned 3 days before the wedding day that whom she believed was her hairdresser for the big day actually was scheduled elsewhere. I had insisted to the bride that she get a contract from the salon, but she assured me that the salon was professional and had everything together. Turns out, they just wanted her money and were prepared to leave my bride and bridal party out in the cold. We were fortunate enough to have time to fix the situation once we found out that the salon was backing out, but what if we hadn't had time?
Please please please, get contracts from everyone involved in your wedding day. If you've hired a coordinator, we want to see every last contract {including, yes, the ice sculpture being delivered} to ensure that you get what you paid for.
Monday, November 16, 2009
Series: 2009 Wedding Lessons Learned
As promised, over the next few weeks I'll be posting a new series called "2009 Wedding Lessons Learned". After each wedding that I am apart of, I sit down and write a debriefing. This debrief includes what I thought went well, what I thought went poorly, as well as reactions and feedback from my clients. While it would be naive to say that every wedding goes 100% smoothly and that there are no errors, being behind the scenes means that I get to see the good, the bad and the ugly. I decided to write this series to help you, the brides and grooms and vendors out there as a way so that we can get closer to 100% perfection. Vendors see ALOT in this industry and every idea that's out there that you may want to include may not always be the most successful or appropriate for your wedding. I will aim to deconstruct as much as possible from what I have seen at each of the weddings I was apart of this year to ensure that you get the big picture!
If you have any comments or questions, please do ask!
If you have any comments or questions, please do ask!
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