Tracking Your Wedding RSVPs

You've sent out amazing invitations, now its time to get the responses mailed back to you. Hopefully when you created your guest list, you kept an electronic record of it with which you can use to track RSVP responses. If not, there's a bit of typing in your future!

You can either purchase Wedding RSVP programs that will help you track responses, or you can use excel. Either way, you'll want to be organized enough to keep every response recorded and up to date. Aim to update every time you receive a response in the mail, if makes your life easier, which in the weeks leading up to the wedding, is our optimal goal!

Firstly, you want to track yeses and nos {as well as correct name spelling and any guests that are coming for your escort cards or place cards}. After that, if you are doing a pre-selected dinner entree choice, you'll want to keep track of that. And finally, if you are monitoring their accommodations for the wedding weekend, you'll want to note that as well {helpful if you are delivering welcome bags around town}. Your spreadsheet need not be fancy or elaborate, concise, detail led and to the point wins out here. Being able to give an accurate guest count and meal choice to your venue / caterer on the appropriate day will be incredibly helpful.



{courtesy of myweddingplanningtips.com}

This post was originally published on June 30th, 2009

2009 Wedding Lessons Learned: The Out of Control Guest

Series: 2009 Wedding Lessons Learned

Weddings are a joyous and celebratory occasion ~ its only natural that drinking and celebrating have become two peas in a pod. I've encountered many a overzealous guests in my time and nine out of ten times, they are completely fine and harmless, just enjoying themselves and the open bar. The times though when a guest has one too many and becomes a liability, it puts your vendors in a very awkward position of being bouncers.

The particular wedding in which I am referring to, one guest made it her mission to be incredibly inebriated {at one point I thought she had been hazed, that's how bad it was}. She was seen in the hotel bar drinking for two hours prior to the ceremony, which meant that she was trouble from the beginning. {Don't get me wrong, I am all for having a few drinks here and there, but being sloppy and slurring before 3PM is just well, sloppy) She proceeded to spend the entire wedding either drinking more or harassing all the vendors. The bride kept insisting that she was fine, but her behavior was actually very detrimental to the service providers, never mind that we were on a rooftop and I kept having the most horrible visions ... the final nail in the coffin came when she made an unsolicited speech during dinner that was well, a once in a lifetime experience to hear. The bride was so hurt she left the dinner and I was put in the position of having to remove this guest from the wedding. Its not a role that I want to put in, but I will when the guest is ruining the celebratory atmosphere.

If you know before the wedding that certain persons are going to take things too far with alcohol, give your vendors the heads up. We have seen it all, but if we know who to watch for in the beginning, we can cater things so that theirs and yours night doesn't end up badly.

Questionable Wednesdays: Plus One's or Plus None's

Every Wednesday, I will try to shed some light on a Question that I find floating around the wedding'sphere.

Question: "We are very limited on space and finances and I didn't put "and guest" on the invites unless I knew a single was attached or in the better case I knew the name of their significant other. However I'm beginning to receive response cards back that say +1 when I know they aren't in a committed relationship. However I really don't have the room or financial resources to deal with this. I wish I could just let it slide but these +1's are beginning to add up. What could I do to smooth over the situation without offending anyone and politely requesting they do not bring a guest?"

Answer: Your Guest List is one area that you and your groom need to stand on firm ground together. You need to have a united front on what your "door policy" will be in regards to guests. That said, single guests are always cause for controversy because they seem to forget that an additional person means: paying for another meal, bar, larger table, more rental items, maybe another seat on a bus, an extra place card ... this stranger winds up costing the couple a few extra hundred dollars just so your original invitee can have someone to talk to all evening.

One approach that I always recommend {based off of Mrs. Etiquette herself, Emily Post} is this: married couples or engaged couples are obviously invited in twos. Non-engaged couples must either be living together or dating for well over a year. If you've spent time with both people and have formed a friendship with the significant other, than its appropriate to invite them, but if you've never met said significant other or its only been a few months, don't waste your money. A wedding is never the right place to introduce your boyfriend or girlfriend to the Bride and Groom. Its awkward for everyone involved ... including your significant other. If you haven't been dating all that long, going to a wedding together may not be the best idea for the relationships long term health.

If you've received RSVP's stating a plus one when the option was never given, its time to pony up and call that person and explain that your financial resources are only for those who know you. Its a rough conversation to have, but in the end, what matters is that your attendees know and love you both. If your friend goes by way of the cuckoo bird, well then, just wait until they get married. Wedding's bring out all sorts of emotions in people {good and bad} so just try and be calm and rationale when explaining your door policy. Or, just hire security on the Wedding Day!

Day 5: The Chosen Few ... Creating your Wedding Guest List

Day 5: 30 Days: A Guide to Stress Free Wedding Planning

Another important factor into your wedding budget and location is how many of your nearest and dearest will be coming to celebrate your vows. Creating your master guest list takes time, so don't expect to finalize the list overnight. There are essentially three sides (more if you involve Step Parents) to the guest list:

Bride / Groom
Bride's Parents
Groom's Parents

Traditional conventions say that whomever is paying for the wedding gets the larger portion of the guest list. I disagree as the lines of who pays for what are getting blurred in this modern age and while your Father may think that inviting his first boss who has never met you is appropriate, turns out, it may not be. Have an honest conversation with all the parents about what the goal of the wedding is. Is it just family? Is it just family and close friends? Is it not all family, just close family? Or, is it everyone you've ever encountered in your entire life? Once you've created a general "acceptable to invite" list, set a date (within a month) for all parties that get to invite people to give the Bride and Groom their lists. Once the three+ lists are merged, you will get a better sense of numbers. Please keep in mind that you'll probably trim the 'fat' off the list before it is truly final, but this number will be a large indicator on what is a suitable venue for you.


(courtesy of ancestry.com)

Not Your Traditional Welcome Bag ...

As most weddings are now 'mini vacations' for guests, couples are spending more time, money and effort into creating the most fabulous Welcome Bag. The contents of these bags range from personal (a postcard from the city personally written to welcome so and so to x, y and z city), to a custom map of the couples favorite haunts and activities, mini versions of the best foods and beverages the city has to offer and perhaps something iconic and representative of the location.

I've always loved travel guide books, the best ones don't just give you the usual suspects of a place (i.e. in NYC: The Statue of Liberty, The Metropolitan Museum of Art, Rockefeller Center (all amazing places btw)), but they give you hard to find restaurants, great walks where you'll see incredible places and amazing finds that even most locals don't know about. I've always enjoyed the Not For Tourists books because they do just that, but, there's a new player in town and I had to share:

Moleskine City Books

These books are customized by YOU! You can add in favorite places, specific types of maps, create itineraries, the works! Its a book to store everything you find that you want to try out when you travel. Genius! If your budget allows, it would be awesome to get one of these books (they currently stock 44 cities around the world) and customize them for your guests. Perhaps even create a treasure hunt to find the place where he proposed? The possibilities are endless ...

Venue secured, now what?

You should feel like a big weight has been lifted once you've found a venue and secured it. Its probably starting to really feel like you're getting married! Since you're on such an awesome roll of getting things accomplished for the wedding, whats next?

Finalize your guest list, look for a gown and start thinking about who should marry you.

For your guest list - you typically get a 15-20% decline, so think about this when you are putting your list together. If your goal is 100 guests at the event, invite 115 to 120 (and so on and so forth). Also, try and avoid the A list / B list way of inviting guests - people can find out and/or figure it out (I was the recipient of a B list invite a few months ago - it was obvious too - received the invitation 5 days before the wedding ...). You don't want to upset people by inviting them too late or run the risk of them finding out that they didn't get invited. People shouldn't expect to be invited, but if someone is running around town saying they can't wait for your wedding, yet they aren't actually going to be a guest that day, just tell them. Or, think about inviting them. On the A list.

Looking for a gown - its one of the best parts of getting married! Start tearing out gown pictures and hit up a few salons. Try everything on, even if you think that on the hanger its not going to work. You'll be completely surprised. I also suggest only taking 1 or 2 people with you for these first visits - you want an outside opinion, but not a jury.

For an officiant - if you have a family affiliation, look there first. If you don't, start reaching out to various officiants. You really want someone who understands you as a couple and who you think will be the best person to make your union official. Definitely interview a few officiants - and find out what will be required of you as couple to be their clients. Is there pre-marital counseling? How many times will you be required to meet? Are there workshops you need to attend? I personally loved our pre-marital talks, but for some, they may not have the time or want to delve into the nitty gritty (my favorite question was "in your opinion, what is the role of the husband" ... that really got me thinking), so when you meet with your potential officiant, make sure all of these time requirements are outlined.

Now, relax. Don't forget to spend some non-wedding related time together with your soon to be. Its the most important item on your checklist of things to do!

Happy Planning!
-Lisa

Where should we get hitched?

Perhaps you've known for ages where you would like to get married. Your hometown? His hometown? A family home somewhere? The city you met in and fell in love in? A vacation spot you had a lot of fun in or some place you've always wanted to go. Regardless of the significance of the place you decide to get married in, narrowing down the choice can be a hard one.

Here are three factors to consider on behalf of your guests:

1) How convenient is it for you and your guests to get there? Does it require a ton of travel by plane, car or train? Is there a large airport nearby or will your guests have to traverse small watercraft and ferries to get there?

2) Is there affordable, nice lodging available? While some guests won't mind paying a lot for a hotel, some guests might not have the resources for the same place. Make sure that there are different budget options.
(As a side note, for my wedding in East Hampton, we made suggestions from low to high end on our wedding website and then let guests choose on their own. Since there wasn't a large hotel or chain hotel (for a room block) we had guests staying at 20 different locations, which made delivering gift baskets a complete nightmare ... keep this in mind!)

3) Are there fun activities for your guests to do during the weekend while they aren't at the wedding itself? As wedding weekends have become more like a mini getaway for guests, providing a list of activities in the area (i.e. shopping, sports, beaches, sightseeing etc) is extremely helpful - especially if they haven't been there before.

Just as much as the wedding is for the bride and groom, consider these factors for your guests when choosing a location!

Tomorrow I will mention my tidbits for defining your wedding style ... stay tuned!

Happy Planning!
-Lisa