Wednesday, August 12, 2009

Questionable Wednesdays: Plus One's or Plus None's

Every Wednesday, I will try to shed some light on a Question that I find floating around the wedding'sphere.

Question: "We are very limited on space and finances and I didn't put "and guest" on the invites unless I knew a single was attached or in the better case I knew the name of their significant other. However I'm beginning to receive response cards back that say +1 when I know they aren't in a committed relationship. However I really don't have the room or financial resources to deal with this. I wish I could just let it slide but these +1's are beginning to add up. What could I do to smooth over the situation without offending anyone and politely requesting they do not bring a guest?"

Answer: Your Guest List is one area that you and your groom need to stand on firm ground together. You need to have a united front on what your "door policy" will be in regards to guests. That said, single guests are always cause for controversy because they seem to forget that an additional person means: paying for another meal, bar, larger table, more rental items, maybe another seat on a bus, an extra place card ... this stranger winds up costing the couple a few extra hundred dollars just so your original invitee can have someone to talk to all evening.

One approach that I always recommend {based off of Mrs. Etiquette herself, Emily Post} is this: married couples or engaged couples are obviously invited in twos. Non-engaged couples must either be living together or dating for well over a year. If you've spent time with both people and have formed a friendship with the significant other, than its appropriate to invite them, but if you've never met said significant other or its only been a few months, don't waste your money. A wedding is never the right place to introduce your boyfriend or girlfriend to the Bride and Groom. Its awkward for everyone involved ... including your significant other. If you haven't been dating all that long, going to a wedding together may not be the best idea for the relationships long term health.

If you've received RSVP's stating a plus one when the option was never given, its time to pony up and call that person and explain that your financial resources are only for those who know you. Its a rough conversation to have, but in the end, what matters is that your attendees know and love you both. If your friend goes by way of the cuckoo bird, well then, just wait until they get married. Wedding's bring out all sorts of emotions in people {good and bad} so just try and be calm and rationale when explaining your door policy. Or, just hire security on the Wedding Day!

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