Wediquette: Who Really Gets Invited to the Rehearsal Dinner?

I really wanted to say thanks to my "out-of-towners" so instead of a typical rehearsal dinner we are having a BBQ for all of our "out-of-towners". This just gives my fiance and I the chance to welcome them to our wedding weekend and thank them for coming to our wedding. I have done a wedding website and have a page on there for our out of town guests and I have the BBQ on there as well. Will the "in-towners" be offended??? Who traditionally gets invited to the rehearsal dinner anyways?

First things first, let's discuss the Rehearsal Dinner and who traditionally gets invited:

"Those invited should include the members of the wedding party (except for the flower girl and ring bearer), the officiant, the parents and grandparents of the bride and groom, and the siblings of the bride and groom if they are not in the wedding party. If the bride or groom has stepparents, they are invited with their spouses but should not be seated next to former spouses. The wedding party’s husbands, wives, fiancées, fiancés, and live-in companions should be invited, but it’s not obligatory that they have dates. The children of the bride or groom from a previous marriage also attend, unless they are too young. After that, any number of people may be invited (totally optional), such as out-of-town guests, close friends, aunts and uncles, and godparents. Junior bridesmaids and junior ushers may also be invited if the hour is not late, as may the flower girl and ring bearer (if supervised)."
{via Emily Post}

So, basically, invitees should include your wedding party, their dates {if you so choose}, close family and that's it. Anyone above and beyond that that you choose to invite is at your discretion. Whomever is footing the bill for the evening should sit down with the bride and groom and go through the guest list and the parameters for inviting people. If you'd like to include those who travel in for the wedding weekend, make sure that everyone who travels in gets a printed invitation. Make it known that their presence isn't required {just in case their flights or schedule don't allow for it} but that you are extending the invite. Guests are already committing time and money to travel to your wedding, don't put them in a position where they feel they must take a vacation day or change travel plans for a dinner. If too many people are coming in from town, or its a destination wedding where everyone is traveling in for it - make a firm decision on whether to invite everyone or not. And stick to it.

As far as putting the dinner information on your wedding website - skip it unless every single person invited to the wedding is being invited to the rehearsal dinner. You don't want people to be confused or hurt that they weren't invited.