Wednesday, November 11, 2009

Wedding Etiquette Wednesdays

Every Wednesday, I will try to shed some light on a Question that I find floating around the wedding'sphere.

Are couples expected to send thank you cards to guests who don't send a gift or bring a card to the wedding?

While you'll assume that everyone you invite to your wedding {and particularly those that actually attend the wedding day events} will give you a present, its not always the case. I've found that its not out of spite, its out of forgetfulness. Since guests have a lot of time to get you a present {pre-wedding day and then up to the 1st Anniversary} there's ample room to simply forget.

For every gift you receive {even if it is multiples from one guest} - they in turn must receive a thank you note for each gift they've given you. Your thank you note doesn't need to be some huge long letter, just a simple note {handwritten} thanking them for the gift + your intended use of said gift and that's generally enough. If they went above and beyond, let them know.

But, if a guest at your wedding simply attended the wedding but failed to give you a gift, there's no reason to send them a note thanking them for coming to the wedding. Ensure that throughout your reception, you stop at each table or group of people and thank them for coming. That personal attention to your guests is all that you need to do.

From Emily Post regarding thank you note etiquette:

•Anyone who gives you an engagement, shower or wedding gift, even if you have thanked them in person. Individual notes should be written to people who contributed to a group gift.
•Anyone who gives a gift of money: cash, checks, contributions to savings accounts and donations to charities. Mentioning the amount is optional, but it does let the person know the correct amount was received. You should mention what you plan to do with the money.
•Your attendants. A warm personal note attached to your gifts to your attendants will let them know how much you appreciate their efforts and support on your behalf.
•Anyone who hosted a party or shower for you. Ideally these notes should be written within two days of the event. Each host or hostess should be thanked individually with a note and a thank you gift.
•People who house or entertain your wedding guests. A note and a small gift should be sent to anyone who houses or entertains out-of-town wedding guests.
•People who do kindnesses for you. The neighbor who accepts delivery of your gifts when you are at work; the cousin who supervises the parking at the reception – anyone who assists you before, during or after your wedding.
•Suppliers and vendors. You don’t have to write everyone you hire for services, but anyone who exceeds your expectations will appreciate a courteous note of thanks.
•Your parents or whoever is hosting your wedding.

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